the abyss that life has become.....

Burger King's creation

2012-01-15T09:28:00.001+05:30

Funny...delivered with a punch...

2011-08-24T09:38:00.000+05:30

Awesome Infographics

2011-07-26T18:24:00.000+05:30

Created by: Online Schools

Yeah!!! I am excited

2011-06-16T07:43:00.002+05:30

Yesterday I sent out my wedding invite to some of my clients, and one of them replied as such
"Heartiest congrats ! I have rarely received a wedding invite with a subject line like this but then it speaks volumes about your excitement :)"

This was the first time I sent out an invite any sort of invite, and here she was thinking that I was all excited and hence ended up sending more than one invite.

This is the kind of question that I get from everyone. "So all set for the D-Day? All excited?" and I end up saying "What is the big deal? I am just getting married".

The real answer would be "Yes, I am damn excited. I am getting married to the one girl whom I fell in love with in college. It took me six years, numerous failed relationships, a transfer to Bangalore, three proposals and a lot of talking to finally convince her that we make a great couple. We have been together for over 18 months, 10 months as engaged and there was not a single instance when we thought we weren't supposed to be together. So hell yeah, I am excited about my wedding."

Rgds
Lovestruck

Social Media World Graph

2011-06-15T15:20:00.002+05:30

Take the survey pls

2011-05-16T16:17:00.001+05:30

Click here to take survey

IA Bangalore paratha eating competition

2011-04-22T06:55:00.004+05:30

Tanishq True Diamonds

2011-04-20T19:23:00.001+05:30

Things I want to do.

2011-03-29T19:46:00.000+05:30

Things I would do if I had the time and money
1) Listen to Rock music the entire day.
2) Have a book in my hand when I am listening to the music. The book would be a DeMile, Archer, Forsyth, Ryand or other of my favourites.
3) Watch movies when I get tired of music. I have a back log of movies that dates back 2 years.
4) Improve my culinary skills
5) Write my book, which would be a definite best seller 
6) Start playing video games. That is something that I have not done since school days.
7) Spend time with friends and family
8) Chat online, forgot how it feels like to chat with friends
9) Start reviewing movies
10) Go for long drives, explore places.
11) Design my dream cafe, that would serve food, liquor, coffee and snacks, open to one and all.

Wooooof.....Facewoof

2011-03-14T19:42:00.002+05:30

“Woof woof”.... “Dad!!!Dad!! come here please. There is something I think you need to help me out with” Jimmy was anxious. “What is it son, did someone kick you in the gut or something?” enquire papa Ceasar.

“No dad, nobody did anything like that to me. But I got a little scared when my friend Jacky came over and started talking about being on Facewoof. I been trying to find out what Facewoof is since morning I am not getting anywhere with it.”
“Hmmm, i sure did hear about Facewoof and was trying to find more about it myself. Good thing you asked about it to me. I will check it myself and tell you what I know abt it.”

Few days later:

“Son, there is good news and there is great news. I am on facewoof now. You can log onto facewoof.com and search for “TheSooperboner” and guess who comes up? Me”
“So what is the great news?” Jimmy asked. “Isnt what I told you great news? I mean, I am now called THESOOPERBONER. Which bitch would not want to get to know me after having that name? I think you owe me some amount of appreciation for coming out with such a wonderful name.”

“Dad, I do not like that name of yours. Who would call himself that out in the public? You are a much better Ceasar than a what you call yourself.”
Ceasar sure was shaken, but did not show it out. “So you still want to know more about Facewoof or is this the end of the conversation?” He asked. “Yay, i need to know more about Facewoof.” Little Jimmy said.

“Well facewoof is the ideal platform for dogs like me. I can surf through various bitches, i can compare what is where and accordingly plot my strategy. I do not have to go out there and expect to face some sort of surprise each time i try to sniff my way forward. If i feel bored then there are various application that lets me check whether the other person is compatible with me. This will definitely help me in making my mind before making my move.”

“Dad!! That is awful. Why would such a great guy like you have to do all that? It is so pretentious. What happened to the good old mantra that you taught me about being who you are, doing stuff face to face?”

“My son, you do have a point out there. But I am sick and tired of doing all that. IT was all fun when there was no other way. Here I can even check out their pics before even thinking of doing anything. I check them out completely before my very first move. That does not happen in real life. IT only happens in facewoof.”
“You sound like you are desperate to get laid and that facewoof is the perfect getaway for you. I feel like I do not even know you.”
“Woof, woof. I do not want to talk to you.”

A Different Day

2011-02-02T20:46:00.002+05:30

I am sitting in Jimmy’s beer cafe, which was once frequented by me every second day . My head now is buzzing with myriads of thoughts and I am still trying to figure out what I should be writing. The beer on my side and the rock music that is blaring is definitely soothing me down and I am taking it as a cue to enjoy the day.
It has been a long time since I wrote anything at all, been shuttling between excel files, power-point presentations, myriad of calls, angry clients, brain storming sessions and of course wedding on every weekend for the past one month.
On a personal front, so happens that I need to reduce good 15 kilos in the next three months if i am to get back to my feet, literally. My injured foot gave me away when I got high and made me dance with two left foot, and then twisted it pretty bad. My dermatologist says that my body is stressed out in the worst way and that is the reason behind the big patch that i have on my head, hair loss. I have not kept correspondence with my friends for a long time, my roommates keep complaining that I have not spent quality time with them in a long time and my girl friend hates my laptop and I am afraid of changing my cell phone to a blackberry as she would throw that away the moment i get it. The only reason that I use my phone these days is to check on my messages from client(which has taken precedence over other correspondence), to check my mail and if the network allows, to see the google analytics of my client.
Today is different. I finally started my gym in the morning. My day began at 530 sharp, with me going to the gym and actually working out. My whole body was rusty; I could literally feel it while doing the treadmill. I did minor weight training and was happy that I still have not lost my strength and tomorrow would again be the same. At least I am doing something right. There is another reason why today is special, I kept thinking of the movie Jerry Mcguire, do not be judgemental for I love that movie. The one lesson that I have taken from the movie is the memo that Tom Cruise wrote, be faithful to the company for which you work and be true to the clients you handle and last but not the least, “have a smaller client base, that will do you good”. Now, the last point is not something that I can afford right now, but it does make sense.
Another thing that I liked about today is that I left office at 6, which means that I that i did not stretch myself to 12 hrs today, even if it was due to the doc’s appointment (which i missed anyways as I was late). I also liked the fact that I was out of office for two hrs at client’s place, did not check my mail, or did not have to sit in front of any report or presentation. I also liked the fact that I am listening to some pink flyod, metallica, eagles, which I have not heard in over a month. For the first time in life I did not take a call and I felt bad. Finally had to send a message, asking what was wrong.
Now I am sitting with my girl friend, who just walked in and was glad when i told her that I was blogging and not working 

PS: To my colleagues – this is just an aberration. Do not take it seriously. Just wanted a release.
PPS : To my friends – I will call you guys more often, I started that last night.

Evolution

2010-11-19T23:59:00.003+05:30

12 am in the morning and I am still awake. That is new for me. I am usually in bed by 10:45 everyday. Guess that would be the first evolution.
Anyways, to begin with, the other day I was thinking about the various stages of my romances(myself being a narcissist, do not have anything else to think about). Back in the good old school days, being averse to peer pressure and social acceptance, you just liked a person and begin to think that is true love. :)
You then graduate to the next level, taking up all the pressures that you could possibly conceive, when all your friends have girl friends(not knowing what a girl friend/boy friend means), and then starts dating girls. Once you are done with all the blatant lies and kiss and break ups, you start contemplating the true meaning of being in a relationship and fail to understand the same. That is when you start realising, in that really small brain of yours, that dating was much better than being in any sort of relationship and go about doing what you think is right, no matter how much you are wrong. In between all that you do some two timing, face some two timing, only to fathom that this is all part of the new dating rules :)Once you are done with that also, you spend time analyzing all the mistakes that you have done and try in vain to redeem yourself. But that never happens, unfortunately for few and fortunately for many. This cycle goes no, as long as one wants, and when you finally decide that you have had it (which is usually when you find someone to spend the life with), you give up on all your stupidity and stand up for what you are. Then, again you like someone, and then fall in love and that is it then :)

Making of Workaholic

2010-11-15T20:34:00.002+05:30

It is 830 in the night and I am here sitting in my office and wondering the following

1) When was the last time I read a book within a week.
2) When was the last time I wrote something for my book.
3) When was the last time I did not fall asleep watching a movie.
4) When was the last time my girl friend did not complain that I am late for dinner.

:) I am writing this note here because once I reach home I would forget about my thoughts.

The Social Project

2010-11-10T07:09:00.002+05:30

So, when was the last time everyone got into a little project group and successfully completed it? i am pretty sure it wold have been a long time back. Now, here is an opportunity for as many people to be part of a new project, and the subject in this project would be me.

Not making sense??? 3 months, 15 kgs and four inches. This is the target and I am hoping that you guys would be helping me out to achieve this goal.

The reason being that i could not get into my formal trousers yesterday, even though it used to be snug on me two months back. I had stopped working out two months back, followed by myriad of wedding functions and awesome food :)

I would be putting up my schedule, what not to do and so on. You can tell me what i have done right and what I have done wrong. In case I indulge in those guilty pleasure of pastries and cream and sweets, I would mention the same and you can reprimand. This project runs for five days a week for three months.

Friday evenings are not part of the project as saturday is off and i can do what i want. Similarly, the food and liquor that I intake over the weekend is out of question(above reason). On the other hand, in case I consume liquor during the weekdays, I will certainly mention that and you can pull my leg :)
Also, i have not checked my weight, but i can feel that I need to lose 15kg and hence that target.

The project started today morning, with myself running for 20 min, followed by exercise for abs for another 20 and a 10 min pranayama.
This would be followed with tea and oats. As mentioned before, will not be consuming any meat/chicken and also only least amount of carb.

Hope to make this project as fun as possible as we go.

PS : will not be entering the gym what so ever. And yet I need to achieve the same. Let us see if it ossible :)

A cigarette for day, then none

2010-09-22T22:00:00.004+05:30

Been thinking abt the above mentioned motto for quite sometime now. Yes, I am an addictive smoker and now it is time I say good by to it. But being melodramatic by nature, I want to add a twist to the same.

Gold Flake Kings has been with me for the past 6 years and i have been faithful to it. But there comes a time in life when you realize that enough is enough, but then it would have been too late by then. Mine began the day I started running again after all those years of abusing my body. For a person who used to run close to 4 km everyday morning without any hassle, i started finding it difficult to touch the 3km mark. That was the first sign.

Each time my friend, foe, family come up with those snide remarks, I act as if i did not hear it. But then, they were true. I was hitting my limits. My number almost always hovered around 10, at times exceeding by one or two. But now, I want to quit. First, I want to witness the day when i would bring it down to one as that is how i started this habit.

I want to quit it that way as well, as the reason with which I started is no longer valid, and is now void :)

An ode to Friendship

2010-09-22T21:43:00.003+05:30

This post is dedicated to my friend who got married recently. Calling him a friend would in fact be an understatement. We have been friends for over 10 years now and he is one of the closest ally I have. I would say that he is one of those rare people who would know A2Z about me.

A person who in many ways is better than I, and who most parents would want to have as a son or girls would want to have as their partner. On the other hand, we have been close friends over the same period.

His wedding was fixed for the 4th of Sept. I had booked my ticket two months in advance, so that I do not miss the occasion. More than the wedding, I wanted to be the one who would sign as the witness for the wedding. There were two reason for it. I could never be part of such a ceremony on my own, and two I wanted to be the best man.

I should say I was in for a surprise when i reached the venue, for the place was filled with his relatives and I had a sinking feeling that I would not be able to do the honors of witnessing his wedding. The process began and I was left outside the office when I was called for to be the third witness.

I should say I was overwhelmed. I did not think he would be in a position to call for me with so many relatives in place. I just looked at him for a second, smiled within and placed my name where it belonged.

Fine dining turning sour

2010-08-15T09:15:00.004+05:30

I was in Palakkad last Saturday, spending the weekend with my sister, uncle, aunt and cousin bro. Terms like dining out, window shopping, ambulating through a mall, even mall are alien words in this town, which is still stuck sometime between the day we got independence and the next millennium. At least that is what I thought after having been a part of Palakkad for 25 years.

I got my first jolt when we decided to go out for dinner and was taken to the brand new mall in the city. It was quite big and I was surprised I should say. Further to the same, we went straight to the Food Court and found the place filled with diners. I was half expecting to see the place deserted as it was Palakkad, the place where I grew up and I swear I have not seen even a fine dining restaurant half filled.

So I was sitting with my family and enjoying the dinner, and we had about 3sear left in the table. A family walked into the diner, looked around for seats, and in a rather nonchalant manner ambulated towards us and sat on our table. I should say I was flabbergasted, having been used to the privacy while dining in Bangalore, and having been spoilt by the way I lived life, now I was in an unchartered territory.

I did not know whether I should tell the family that they were encroaching our dinner time without being rude or should I hide myself being the table. I finally decided that t would be best to act as if we were still alone, and be happy at the fact that people in my hometown are at-least open to dining out these days.

Rgds
Rahul

Being Homeless

2010-08-02T09:13:00.003+05:30

It has been less than 12 hrs since we moved into a new place. The We include Chandy, Shajahan, Tariq, Avinash and myself.And it has been less than 12 hrs since we found the new house and the same time since we gave the token advance.

We have been trying to move from the previous house for quite sometime and after house hunting for over a month, we finally saw a house that we liked. So we gave the token advance and were supposed to shift yesterday afternoon.

THe previous landlord, Mr X, came in on Saturday and told us that he would refund the advance by 12pm and accordingly we intimated the brokers and the new landlord. After an entire day's packing, we were finally awaiting the money and when there was no sign of X, we called him. Apparently he went out on an emergency and would be back only by 5in the evening. That is when our thoughts were flooded by our old neighbour's words on how X has cheated on all the previous tenants and never gave the money on time. We went straight to his house and found it locked. Called his number, but in vain as it was switched off. We called his brother-in-law and came to know that the emergency was in Innovative Film CIty, where there is an outing of sorts for the family.

Those words got us boiling and then, without much thoughts we told his neighbours why we were creating the ruckus, kept trying his cell, spoke to brother-in-law politely, then sternly and finally at around 6pm, Mr X came with the money. Not the whole sum, but partial and then I took him to the nearest ATM and got the rest as well. After some profanity, that we could not hold back due to our situation, and some stares and some anger, he left.

We had to call the real estate agency, the new owner and we communicated our predicament, and they told us not to worry and to come over before 9pm. We were partly relived.

THe lorry/truck was called and by 730 all that we were worth was in the truck and we called the real estate agency to get the agreement signed and then we get the next shock. We are told that we can sign the agreement, but cant move in today. The owner wanted to clean and pain. We didnt want a cleaned and painted house, we just wanted to move in, unpack and rest. So CHandy and Shajahan went to the agency and then to the owner. In the meantime Tariq, Avinash and myself finished the loading and were literally sitting on the road, with the truck driver being kind enough to stay as long as we wanted.

At 9 in the night, we finally get the call from chandy saying that the house for which we gave the advance has been taken up by someone else and that the owner is not letting us move in. Suddenly, he cant remember the token advance, our communication to him regarding moving in and he cant remember that he was initially okay with bachelors moving in. How complicated can this get, you would now start to think. Chandy, Shajahan and the brokers went about searching for a new house, saw a house, met the owner, they shook hands and finalized the deal and we were summoned up. We did not even pay him the full advance. We told him about our predicament and the only condition he kept was to act civil.

Thus, we moved into a house at 1030pm, that was finalized at 9pm.

The twist after all this is that we had to go back to the old house for we forgot the gas cylinder there. None of us bother to load that into the truck. That happened at 130am..

Now am in office, sharing that with whoever reads this blog :)

Rgds
Rahul

Tryst with the new Chathur

2010-07-24T16:39:00.003+05:30

I should have introduced this character to you all, long time back. But then I never did that, and boy do I regret the same now. Mr Chathur, yeah pardon me for taking that name. He is the owner of the apartment that I stay in, and has got a penthouse in the small apartment which has got seven units in all. He is also the caretaker, maintenance guy, security and everything there is. He stays with his wife, who talks like Basanti, but has the foulest of mouth I have ever heard. A little background about the symbiotic relation that we enjoy with this guy. One roommate of mine has called her a b&%$, another guy has asked him to shove it up his a£$&, and I have asked him to f&%@ off.

We had two bikes initially, and then I brought my car. The bikes where parked in the spot that was designated to us, and when I got my car there were about four spots available for a car to be parked. So the guy comes down and tells us that we cant park the car anywhere but the spot designated for us. We did not heed to him and parked the car for couple of days. On the forth day, when I got my car in, I was in for a surprise. There where about three new cars in the parking lot. There was a car parked behind our spot and before the spot, and then two bikes in between. I wondered if I could fit couple of tyres in my car so that I could drift my car into the spot.

After two days of trying my best to get my car in, I finally decided to go speak to Chathur, hoping to make some arrangements for my car. We started the conversation, and that's when Basanti came in, shouting all obscenities to the best of her capabilities. I walked off, and asked Chathur to come down and discuss the issue. My roommate was also there at that time. So this is how the conversation started and ended,
"I see that there are couple of spots that are empty as of now."
"Those are my spots," he replied promptly.
"What about that spot?," I asked pointing my finger in one direction, then another and after than another, until we exhausted all the spots. All got the same reply, "That is mine." Chathur and his quirky remarks.

Finally, chandy called upon him and pointed his hand towards the road and asked, "So what about the road? Can we park the car there or is it also yours?"

Do not know if he completed his sentence or not, we never waited for that.

Saudi Clerics Advocate Adult Breast-Feeding

2010-07-23T15:05:00.001+05:30

As written by Dana Kennedy

(June 5) -- Women in Saudi Arabia should give their breast milk to male colleagues and acquaintances in order to avoid breaking strict Islamic law forbidding mixing between the sexes, two powerful Saudi clerics have said. They are at odds, however, over precisely how the milk should be conveyed.

A fatwa issued recently about adult breast-feeding to establish "maternal relations" and preclude the possibility of sexual contact has resulted in a week's worth of newspaper headlines in Saudi Arabia. Some have found the debate so bizarre that they're calling for stricter regulations about how and when fatwas should be issued.

Sheikh Al Obeikan, an adviser to the royal court and consultant to the Ministry of Justice, set off a firestorm of controversy recently when he said on TV that women who come into regular contact with men who aren't related to them ought to give them their breast milk so they will be considered relatives.

"The man should take the milk, but not directly from the breast of the woman," Al Obeikan said, according to Gulf News. "He should drink it and then becomes a relative of the family, a fact that allows him to come in contact with the women without breaking Islam's rules about mixing."

Obeikan said the fatwa applied to men who live in the same house or come into contact with women on a regular basis, except for drivers.

Al Obeikan, who made the statement after being asked on TV about a 2007 fatwa issued by an Egyptian scholar about adult breast-feeding, said that the breast milk ought to be pumped out and given to men in a glass.

But his remarks were followed by an announcement by another high-profile sheik, Abi Ishaq Al Huwaini, who said that men should suckle the breast milk directly from a woman's breast.

Shortly after the two sheiks weighed in on the matter, a bus driver in the country's Eastern Region reportedly told one of the female teachers whom he drives regularly that he wanted to suckle milk from her breast. The teacher has threaten to file a lawsuit against him.

The fatwa stems from the tenets of the strict Wahhabi version of Islam that governs modern Saudi Arabia and forbids women from mixing with men who are not relatives. They are also not allowed to vote, drive or even leave the country without the consent of a male "guardian."

Under Islamic law, women are encouraged to breast-feed their children until the age of 2. It is not uncommon for sisters, for example, to breast-feed their nephews so they and their daughters will not have to cover their faces in front of them later in life. The custom is called being a "breast milk sibling."

But under Islamic law, breast milk siblings have to be breastfed before the age of 2 in five "fulfilling" sessions. Islam prohibits sexual relations between a man and any woman who breastfed him in infancy. They are then allowed to be alone together when the man is an adult because he is not considered a potential mate.

"The whole issue just shows how clueless men are," blogger Eman Al Nafjan wrote on her website. "All this back and forth between sheiks and not one bothers to ask a woman if it's logical, let alone possible to breastfeed a grown man five fulfilling breast milk meals.

"Moreover, the thought of a huge hairy face at a woman's breast does not evoke motherly or even brotherly feelings. It could go from the grotesque to the erotic but definitely not maternal."

Al Nafjan said many in the country were appalled by the fatwa.

"We have many important issues that need discussing," Al Nafjan told AOL News Friday. "It's ridiculous to spend time talking about adult breast-feeding."

Unlawful mixing between the sexes is taken very seriously in Saudi Arabia. In March 2009, a 75-year-old Syrian widow, Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, living in the city of Al-Chamil, was given 40 lashes and sentenced to six months in prison after the religious police learned that two men who were not related to her were in her house, delivering bread to her.

One of the two men found in her house, Fahd, told the police that Sawadi breast-fed him as a baby so he was considered a son and had a right to be there. But in a later court ruling, a judge said it could not be proved that Fahd was her "breast milk son." Fahd was sentenced to four months in prison and 40 lashes, and the man who accompanied him got six months and 60 lashes.

The original adult breast-feeding fatwa was issued three years ago by an Egyptian scholar at Egypt's al-Azhar University, considered Sunni Islam's top university. Ezzat Attiya was expelled from the university after advocating breast-feeding of men as a way to circumnavigate segregation of the sexes in Egypt.

A year ago, Attiya was reinstated to his post.

Pachyderm Chronicles

2010-06-22T19:01:00.003+05:30

No melodrama, no menace,no beating around the bush. Right at the middle of the plot. We were chased by the elephants depicted in the above picture. True story as Barney would say in "How I met your Mother"

Nirmal, Jaggu and I were driving back to Bangalore from Calicut last Sunday, when we had the best scary situation. Being charged upon by a pack of elephants. It Was partly our fault as well. We had crossed the border and were nearing the outer facade of the jungle, when we witnessed about three elephants grazing the thicket of grass. We stopped about 10feet from them, and started taking snaps.

The elephant found us amusing and played along, but then the amusement turned into annoyance and snorted at us. We were supposed to take it as out cue to vacant the place, but us being so arrogant, did not do that. We went a little ahead and clicked more snaps.

Think the elephant got the better off our stupidity and in one swift motion charged ahead at us. Man it was scary. We fled like never before, and boy it was exciting :)

I am Fake!!!

2010-06-19T21:43:00.004+05:30

I have been pondering over this thought for quite some time now. Never had the courage to accept it, so let alone put it on paper/internet. But what finally gave impetus for this idiosyncrasy, you will know why I used this term later on, was my journey to and from Ooty where I had gone to attend my friend's wedding.
We took a cab that day, and the driver we got was quite a chatter box. Two of my friends sitting at the back gave no heed to the driver's banter. On the other hand I listened to him, and more often than not, and when he said something funny, as per him, and I found it to be squib. I simply gave him my fake smile of interest. He did not complain and genuinely thought I was interested in his thoughts.

The truth is that I realized this art of faking myself somewhere during my college life. Most people around us, no matter how experienced they are, cannot stand being countered in anyway. His/her thoughts are always right. And it is true because I believe that each person has got a separate right and wrong, and it becomes immaterial what we think about their thoughts. I also have a policy of not saying things that I do not mean, and hence I have faced lot of dilemma while dealing with such kind of people. It was then that I found a perfectly sane solution to it.

Do not disagree to such thoughts, but do not agree as well. Give that really fake accepting nod, combined with a make belief grin and you score big time. They will assume that you have agreed with them, it is completely psychological so everyone wins. Only I know how useful it has been for me at least.

Disclaimer : Never use it with people for whom you care a lot for. This includes your gf, closest of pals and close family. In my case I would say I have not used it against my gf and about 3-4 close pals.

Why was Vicky not called???

2010-05-23T09:11:00.005+05:30

Vicky was done working with the current company. He wanted better challenges, better opportunities and better future. Thus, he decided to look out and move on to greener pastures. As luck would have it, he did get an interview and aced it. Later when he called them back, he was told that he would have one more round of interview, this time around it would be telephonic, and that the concerned person would call him.

It was another two days when that he got a mail from his interviewer confirming the call the same day, at 2:30pm. Vicky was ready for the interview, he went over to a cafe. It was past 2:30pm, no call. He started getting a little anxious, then started fidgeting with the pen and later after doodling on the napkins for an hour, when he finally left the place at 430pm, he had not received any call.

Later than day when his interviewer called by to ask how it went, he told him what had happened. He said he would definitely look into the issue and get back to him. Later than day when the interviewer called the head office, and asked why Vicky was not called, "OOOPs!!! I completely forgot. I was in the middle of this thing on Farmville, and my fruits and vegetables had to be farmed exactly at that time, besides the sheep and fouls were creating another headache for me. I am really sorry, will call him right away."

The line went dead.

Disclaimer : Had a concept, so taking a dig at Farmiville. No offence to any organisations, my present, future or past. Just could not resist when this crappy situation came into my head.

Eight year old answer

2010-05-22T14:59:00.004+05:30

When I look back into time, the first vivid memory of her was that eight years back, sitting in the college gallery. It was first year of my college education and I was sitting with my gang of four, including me. I was fidgeting with something, which irritated my friends. It is no great mystery that what was in my hand, broke in two. "Rahul!!! I wonder what would happen if you got a girl in your hands.", she said. An offensive statement that I took in humorously. "You will have to check with my girl friend," was my riposte.

Eight years later, she has become the apt person who can reply to her own statement, made in the past. Interesting, how life can change over time. And how, you have to eat your own words, but of course in a good way :)

You need to get laid...and do it right

2010-05-04T07:59:00.002+05:30

Of late I have been hearing so many reports of sexual assault, rape and molestation and so on and so forth. Surprisingly, every report points to some of the high ranking officials. How sad can it get?

Why cant the fuckers keep their sex life private? Having a control over their libido is out of question, I accept, but how can you bloody force yourself onto someone?? You have got to be a complete nut case, cuz you can have all the fun and pleasure in the same act if you look out for all those classified ads in Times for escort service and pay them handsomely and safe too, :P

Get a life gentlemen...oooops sorry.....get a life woodmen.....

Bandwagon Shift

2010-05-02T07:39:00.005+05:30

In this post am only going back to about 10 years of my life and trying to reiterate few mammothian shifts in ideas, the acceptable and others.

When I finished my 12th grade, engineering was the last option I wanted to take (I finally ended becoming an engineer), but my folks wanted me to become an engineer. It was the norm them, it was the bandwagon on to which every parent wanted their ward to board. 10 years later, parents are little more skeptical in making their kids an engineer. It's an urban legend here in Bangalore that if you throw a stone up into the air, it will either land on a dog or an engineer, a software engineer at that.

I never had the awkward conversation with my folks regarding the person whom I should marry, their religion, cast and so on and so forth. But I did hear lot of relatives and friends in their youth who have had fall out with their family because of the choice they made in their love life. Now when I take a look around, the old do exist in pockets, but most are happy when their kids wed someone who is Indian/Opposite sex. Another major shift???

When in college, I was one of the early ones to use the cell phone. The only purpose was to be in touch with my family. Now there are times when am being educated about the various functions in the uber cool cell phone by 6-7 yr olds. My mom uses short codes in the msgs, my kid brother takes better pics on the cell than I, I hardly know the difference between Nokia, Samsung and iPhone other than that I find Nokia easier to manouveur through.

I used to try and maintain a Diary when as a kid. It was a personal space for me that nobody used to intrude into, and yet I found it hard to maintain. Now am maintaining a blog, which is more public than the diary of celebs and yet I find it interesting and easy to maintain. Another of those shifts.

Before joining for my graduation, I used to be in touch with friends via STD calls and the snail mail. Then came the email revolution and later on the scraps in orkut. Not being present in one of the networking sites was considered more of an anathema and being accepted by your peers was partly depended on your online presence. Now orkut has become a fad and thus arrived facebook and twitter. If you are not on FB, then you are not alive for most of your friends. FB has become more of a bandwagon that you need to be on, maintain your online reputation and grow yourself as a brand.

Anyways, am pretty sure that I will be alive for another 40 odd years to see more bandwagon shift. Guess I should be prepared for all that I will live to see and experience. :)

Bus Journey Strikes Back

2010-04-29T06:34:00.003+05:30

This is another one of my banter about the bad bus journey that I had in the recent past.

After having attended my friend's wedding and then my sister in Cochin, I was all set to return to Bangalore by the 730 bus on Monday. By 430 it had started raining cats and dogs, and I had to make sure that I left home at least by 530 and reached the depot by 715. I settled myself comfortably and was expecting the bus to leave the station by 730, but that did not happen.

Some guy had not reached yet and his friend was pleading to the authority to wait a little longer. And the authority acceded to the pleads and waited for 15 min before starting slowly. Every two minutes the friends had a conversation and it was quite clear that he would not make it to the bus any time soon. Bus finally left little after 745 and was moving a snail pace. I wanted the bus to take off at the earliest as I knew the kind of traffic that we would face later on. Each time the conductor told the guy that we cant wait no more, the friend would tell them that he is almost right behind him and finally at 8 the guy caught up with us in Kaloor.

Kudos to the friend who made it happen, and boohoo to the guy who made us wait all this while. Anyways, do not want to abuse him in this forum.

Next comes my great seat mate. After having left cochin, and then dinner at Karrukutty, time had caught up with us and it read 9 in my watch. Not a bad pace at all if you ask me. But what I did not want to anticipate was the block up ahead. It tool us another hour to manouver through the next 10 kms, can you believe it?? Finally left Chalakkudy by around 10:30, by which time sleep was catching up on me, but I was definitely not in any sort of luck.

My seat mate started snoring, and boy was it loud, weird, funny and irritating. It went on and on for over two hours, disturbing my sleep and my patience and I finally woke him up. Told him that it was too much to take and that he should try and close his mouth to reduce the snoring. He found it funny, chuckled and as luck may have it, this time around he let me sleep in peace.

And so to say, I hated that trip back to Bangalore. I finally reached Bangalore at 8 as against 6, tired, sleepy and with loads of body ache. And I had to go to office that day.

But hey, better luck next time to me.

Manoranjan ka Baap

2010-04-18T07:54:00.003+05:30

Yesterday evening I was at my favourite hang out joint, Jimi's in Koramangala with friends, cheering my team in their second last league game of IPL. Yes folks, Mumbai Indians is my team and not RCB even though I live in Bangalore.

Coming straight to the point, Sachin Tendulakar, the God of cricket, was batting and I must say that he was not at the best. But the point in contention is his getting out. There was such a furore in there when that happened. Who would have thought that people would actually celebrate the dismissal of Sachin. Had it been the Indian team playing, the reaction would be the silent sulking that I had followed.

It then sank upon me that anything is possible in the IPL. No wonder it is rightly called the entertainment ka boss, the big ticket :)

No re-unions for me.

2010-04-16T07:57:00.004+05:30

Been pondering over writing this blog for quite sometime. Finally what prompted me to write it was my senior's school re-union pics on FB. Now you guys may think that I am going on an emotional trip over here and would be writing all mushy stuff. Well, you got me completely wrong. I hardly think about school or college. Maybe cuz I did my schooling in five different schools throughout my life or maybe some unknown factor. What ever it may be, I just do not feel connected to any of my schools. Hell, I do not even remember the name of the school I studied in when in Chennai.

My sincere apologies to all those friends who consider the school days as sacrosanct and want to cherish it for a lifetime. In fact I appreciate and respect your feelings. For me it was just a rat race. I learnt a lot during those days, and I am still friends with few guys. And these guys would remain with me till I hit the grave. That much I assure myself.

Even in college I had a wonderful time. But that was four years ago, and I really cant do anything by sitting and brooding over the good times then viz-a-viz the tough life that I have right now. Here again I have learnt and taken few of my close pals with me. I still talk to them regularly and hang out with them.

I know for a fact that the guys am close to right now will be there for me when I want and they know that I will in turn be there for them. I guess I can live with it and would never volunteer to put a charade in arranging for any sort of re-union, but I may still attend it if invited.

Abuse me, curse me, bitch about me, call me self centred and egoistic and narcissistic. I really really do not care what you think. I have what I want and what I care about. I will live with it.

Have fun..

Enjoy.

Humor in Friends

2010-04-14T08:02:00.002+05:30

Now this is a true story that happened to a friend of mine. I found it quite interesting and writing it as told by him.

" My friend had called me the other day to tell me that his cousin and friend would be coming to Bangalore for an interview and would appreciate if I could lend them a roof to stay under. This has happened before and on all occasions it used to be a smooth affair, but I did not know the kind of trouble that I was getting into this time around. They had the interview on Wednesday, and were expected to take the evening train from Ernakulam on Monday. Fair enough, being a little cautious before the interview is always a good idea."

I had to accede that it was indeed a wise move on their part. So spoke my mind.

"Wait till you hear the rest. So they were supposed to reach here on Tuesday, but apparently they goofed up at the station and missed their train. There was apparently an hour's delay at Ernakulam, prompting them to ambulate through the road and finally missing the train. The next day they called me at around noon and told me that they had missed the train and would arrive the by nightfall. I had no other option but to accept their decision. Then at around 10 in the night they called me to tell me that they had crossed Mandya, which is around 80km from Bangalore. They further enquired about how to reach my place, to which I asked them to give me a call on reaching Bangalore. And they were on a bike."

At this point the whole equation changed. You do not ride a bike for over 450km to attend an interview. There certainly would be other viable option that is not crazy. Now he had my whole attention as I really wanted to know where it was leading.

"Finally they called me at around 12 to tell me that they had reached Banashankari and asked me for direction. If you know, the place is quite big and I have not been to the area but for once and I did not know how to direct them. So told them to ask someone how to get to BTM/Madiwala. After another 5min another call to tell me that they have found the direction and thus I told them about Silk Board flyover. Told them I would come an collect them from there. Another 10 min later another call to ask me if the flyover they reached was the one. My gut told me that it was Jayadeva Flyover and told them the same. And decided to go there instead. The acrimonious call came again after another 5min to tell me that they have been caught by the cops for not having the license. That made me crazy. I blasted them. How in god's name can one go on a 450km drive without a license. Anyways, I told them to pay the cops, by which time I would reach there."

The guys, no offence, have certainly taken the whole game to a complete new level by this. I was trying not to laugh at my friend's predicament as I wanted to learn more.

"I finally got home at around 1:30 and slept. They had the interview at 11 at ITPL. I told them to push off by 930 for it's quite far. They were home at 10 o clock. Did not budge from home. Anyways, the next day they were going back home, having packed off the bike in the train. I had given them a spare key and in the afternoon before departing, tell me that they cant find the key. I could not let the house open. I was in a fix. 10 min later another call to tell me that they got the key. I was praying to God that they leave by the time I get back home and not to find them procrastinating at my place."

"So did they leave??" I had to ask.

"I really do not care. They were not home when I went back. That's all I know and that's all I care."

Disclaimer : If ya ppl have something interesting like this, pls share it with me.

Office escapades

2010-04-14T07:54:00.002+05:30

The other day I was talking to my friend and for some odd reason the topic of discussion was washrooms in office.

The banter went on in no particular direction, when all of a sudden she asked me, "Have you slept in the washroom?"

I really did not know what to make of the question and had she expected me to react in some queer fashion, she was dead on. I spit the drink that I was consuming. *how else do you expect me to react to such preposterous notion*.

Anyways, she got the undivided attention from my end, like she never got in the first place, and the observer in me came to the fore. I had to know why she had put across such a thought.

"My friend uses the washroom to sleep after one of those heavy lunches that he has. I found it quite interesting so thought I might ask you as well if your gender acts in such uncouth manner always."

I should be offended by all means for generalising, but I did find it quite interesting as well. :)

Cheers

Six year long birthday party

2010-04-07T07:08:00.003+05:30

Year 2004

"hey, what plans for your birthday?",

"nothing yet, why what happened?". "Nah. just thought I would take you out or something."

""Sorry Rahul, not too sure about that, will let you know."

"Cool."

"Hey Rahul, so you planning to invite us for the party that you planning to have for Jaqueline Fernandea?"

"Depends on if she can make it to the party first. Said she would let me know."

The party did not happen.

Year 2008

"Hey, got your birthday pics. Not bad. But i swear I would have arranged for your best party "

"Well, you are not here, so I will settle for this."

Year 2010

"So Rahul, you got a girl friend or something??"

" Yes in fact I am rushing out for her surprise party."

"Not bad, not bad at all. So what's her name?"

"Jacqueline Fernandes, anyways gotto run now"

"Enjoy then."

After the party, "Rahul, know what?? You called all the right people for the party, thanks. And it was the best birthday"

Rahul in his mind, "Of course, it took a deliberate planning of six years to host it. It has to be the best party"

Disclaimer : The blog is part true part made up. But enjoy it anywhich ways.

Looking back

2010-03-30T09:44:00.005+05:30

So this is what life has come to. I am sitting here in my office that I loved so much for the past 20 months, jotting down my fondest of memories as this would be my last day in this office.
I am moving on from DNA to conquer new mountain, for better prospects, and all of a sudden it feels different.
I have been here for so long that this place kind of feels like a second home for me. Great set of colleagues to work with, awesome office space, and all the freedom in the world to do things my way, which most often than not has been right(lucky me).
I post this as a tribute to this company that has given me so much, and for that I am sharing few of the remarkable experience with everyone.

1) The second day in office when our CEO had come and we had the briefest of conversation.
2) The time when I used to run like crazy meeting 5-6 new people everyday.
3) Shifting our office space from Indiranagar to MG Road.
4) My boss training me on how to work if I am to survive.
5) My super boss telling me that he doesnt need someone to do maintenance work in the office, and that I better work smart.
6) Our first group outing to Bheemeswari.
7) The endless hours that I spent in office trying to understand my clients and their industry.
8) The countless ideas that I had to give my clients.
9) The one time when my client told my boss that it is a pleasure meeting me.
10) The launch day of DNA, and reading the first copy on 14th Dec.
11) The first issue of DNA Spaces, and the effort that went into it from everyone in DNA, esp my boss it making it happen.
12) The countless Saturday lunches that we had at different joints.
13) The second trip, to Yercaud.
14) The road block in DNA.
15) The anniversary issue on 14th Dec.
16) The number of times we used to hang out after office smoking and drinking tea.
17) The time when another client offered me a job in front of my boss.
18) The times when I used to deliberate with the marketing team on newer concepts and ideas.
19) The 10 days when I worked for marketing doing all the back end work.
20) The free passes that I used to get.

To all my colleagues, it was a pleasure working with you all.

Profound Thoughts

2010-03-05T17:52:00.003+05:30

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?

If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?

What is the speed of dark?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

What's another word for synonym?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter 11?

Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In case of an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Since God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.

We never really grow up – we just learn how to act in public.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

How can there be self-help groups?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at the carpet?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Or maybe I'll just have a bunch of purples.

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

:)

2010-03-01T10:44:00.002+05:30

"The most painful part of life is to be one half of the perfect love story which was never meant to be"
This is a line from my favourite book Shantaram. Now what if you believe that the above statement is true all your life and wake up one day and realise that you are no longer part of this one half of the perfect love story??

Cuz you are very much part of the perfect love story that is meant to be.

Few of my fav quotes from books, movies.

2010-02-08T07:26:00.010+05:30

“One of the reasons why we crave love, and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness, and shame, and sorrow” - Shantaram

"Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears" Shantaram

"Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn... I'm the one you burn." - The international

"It's an old habit. I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can afford to be careless, but not men." - The Godfather

"It was not necessary to wonder about the reasons. It was necessary only to hate, to hate blindly, to hate patiently, to hate without anger, only to hate and let nothing intervene, and not let oneself forget, ever.?" - FountainHead

" Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?" - A few good men.

"There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by." - A few good men

"I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash your badge, and make me nervous. " - A few good men

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next" - Gladiator

You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, Business is a-boomin' - Inglorious Basterds

The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena - Gladiator

"I see dead people" - The Sixth Sense

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. " - The Graduate

"Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?" - Ratatouille

"Love means never having to say you're sorry" Love Story

"What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. The Beatles. And me." - Love Story

"Show me the money" - Jerry Maguire

"I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...
Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello"." - Jerry Maguire

"Edward Lewis: I never treated you like a prostitute.
[Walks away]
Vivian: You just did." - Pretty Woman

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me" - Runaway Bride

"When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie. But you - you knew the real me." - Runaway Bride

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love thsat you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" When harry met sally

............To be continued

Woof! Woof!..life

2009-12-07T22:17:00.004+05:30

"woof woof," Jimmy looked at his son.

"What is it son. You seem to be having something to ask me." He waited, licking Caesar on his forehead, the way his dad used to lick him.

"Dad, I have few things to ask you." he said in his feeble voice.

"Bring it on," Jimmy said, like a veteran who knows everything that happens around.

"Dad, why does Mr&Mrs Smith always fight over something that is called money?"

"Oh, that is quite simple. See, in our life we never have to come across those things. But what I gather is that money is something that is instrumental is bringing us the food. Mrs Smith can never be happy with the basic amenities like food and shelter. She always wants more. We are happy when we get food. She wants things like jewels, car, party and so on, which is beyond my realm of understanding. Mr Smith is not able to provide her with all this. That is the reason why they keep fighting."

"Why is Mr Smith called an alcoholic?"

"I think the reason why Mrs Smith calls him alcoholic is because Mr Smith comes home everyday drinking something that makes him delusional. At times he is so delusional that he calls me by my dad's name."

"Ok," Caesar nodded like he understood. "What about the guy who comes home everyday when Mr Smith is away in office. Who is he?"

Jimmy had to think before he answered his question. "The person who comes here everyday apparently is called the lover boy. He gives Mrs Smith what Mr Smith cant deliver."

"What kind of service is that? I mean, if he really wants to deliver something, cant he do it when Mr Smith is home?" he questioned his dad.

"Son, the way humans work is different from how we work. They want to do things in a very clandestine manner. Otherwise their ego is hurt."

"Ok, but what is ego? I have never come across something like that before."

"From what I gather, ego is something like the mixed feeling that we share with the cats in this house. We never let the cats run the show do we? Similarly, humans can accept that somebody could be better than them."

"It makes lot of sense you know dad. But there something that has been troubling me. I once overheard Mrs Smith saying that she does not love Mr Smith. Now what is love?"

"That is a very tricky question my dear son. I do not think that I can do justice in answering that question."

"Please dad, you know everything that happens around. Please tell me about love also. What does it do?"

"Son, love is something the humans can never understand. It is the simple relation that I share with you. Humans always associate love with the opposite sex. What they lack is the ability to understand each individual and accept them the way they are. The day they start doing that, then you can say that they love everything around them. Unfortunately their greed never lets them accept things the way they are. So they run after love the way we run after a car or bark at a stranger, not knowing what exactly we want from the action."

"But dad, if they cant love others, do you think they love themselves? As in, do you think that Mr Smith loves himself?"

"I think that humans loving themselves is like us chasing our own tail. We keep trying to bite our tail thinking that we will succeed, but we never do, do we? Similarly humans try to ove themselves, but never succeed."

"Thanks dad, you were great. I hope I never become a human any day. I am happy being a dog, and enjoying the simple things in life. what about you dad. You have seen them long enough to know whether they live a happy life or not."

"Even I prefer this life to that of humans son. At least we have each other and we also get food and shelter everyday till we die."

Catch 22

2009-12-07T19:14:00.004+05:30

So am back to square one. It is official that I am now spiraling down a whirlpool. A week back I was better off, at least thought I was better off. With each passing day, the figures and targets that I am facing is becoming a nightmare of sorts. Each time I find a way out, some other obstacle comes in the way. It has been good three-four months since I was last happy with my numbers. That is about work life.

Now to more personal stuff. There are no damsels unlike my usual stories. I am happy about that, at least tell myself that. The work life balance that everyone raves about these days is something that I just can't contemplate. Think I have lost touch with myself.

The only thing that remains constant is Chandy and the numerous drinking sessions. We both face the same problems, be it the work life or personal life. We are in need for less options to choose from.

The other day I was browsing through my cell for people to call as I was into my blues. I came across the name of this person who is really close to me. But I did not call her. I speak to her every other day, did not feel like boring her again. So left it at that.

Went about browsing again, and guess what? The one person who I finally called, did not pick up my call. The call was never returned either. And to recall that I was once the most important person in her life brought about a smile on my face; at my own loss.

Then I saw another name. Now, I wanted to talk to that person. But the voice deep within told me that the call would never be answered. I feel like shouting out loud and asking, "Where did I go wrong in understanding them all?"

Take for example today, after another grueling day, from which I got nothing more than more setbacks, I thought I would try and see the silver lining. I looked up to see if there is some sort of recognition as to who I was. So what do I get??? A blank stare. Guess I should stop expecting even the smallest sliver of peace of mind.

Hence, it is ideal that I call myself in a catch 22 situation. No way of getting out of it easily. So as someone once said, rather than fighting the storm, try enjoying the rain.

Or better still, bring out the glasses and drink till you know that it would at least give you a good night's sleep.

Sneak Peak

2009-11-26T16:38:00.000+05:30

She had also though about the various possibilities before meeting him. She accepted the possibility that she could be pregnant. If she was, then she needs his support more than anything else, even more than her parents'. She needs to tell her folks that she is pregnant. They would be flabbergasted, and she did not have any clue as to how they would react. With little luck they may understand and support her, but will they? If they support her then she would face the society without any predicament. What if they do not understand? She would be crestfallen. Her wedding would have to take place sooner than expected. For a moment she even doubted if he would agree to it, but then he did propose to her few weeks back. “Yes, he would be more than happy to marry me,” she told herself. What about her new job? She decided she would think about that later. For now it's just her and her world with him. But what if she wasn’t pregnant? The thought dampened her spirits rather than lifting it. “Why am I not happy at the thought of not being pregnant?” she pondered.
She knew now, how ready she was to start her life with him.

Prologue to my book

2009-10-25T20:18:00.003+05:30

"You do know that I am not in love with you right," he looked at the face that was smugly settled on his chest.He could not believe that he still has not fallen in love with the girl who is lying by his side, the greatest person he has known so far.

"I know," she came out of her own reverie and looked up at him. "I will wait for you to fall in love with me someday, soon." He could not stand the love in those eyes, for he did not know how to reciprocate it. He turned his head so that his eyes were fixed at the oblivion in the ceiling above.

She crawled up to his face, her breath sending sparks of pleasure through his every nerve, something that he has never felt before with anyone.

"Never look away from me," and bit his cheeks, "especially when we are in the middle of a conversation."

He held her tight, as if afraid of losing her, "Did i tell you that you are the most wonderful person I have met?"

"No you have not, but I always knew it, have seen it in your eyes and felt it in your touch," and closed her eyes as she fell into a deep sleep by his side.

He wanted to fall asleep too, but stayed awake, contemplating himself, trying to figure out what in the world was happening to him.

TFTD

2009-10-19T08:59:00.001+05:30

My biggest fear is that one day you will see right through me and you would be gone....

Tryst with Hairdos!!!

2009-09-26T19:03:00.002+05:30

This blog is a monologue that I had to listen to from a sweet friends of mine. Not that I regret listening to it as it turned out to be quite a ride and giving due credit to her, it was quite humorous. I keep pulling her leg about her trademark hair, which I personally think is out of this world, for you could just get lost behind them. In fact I had made a tart remark about the same earlier and she was all angry and yelling and being her about it. Her hair is one wild bush, or big shrub.

"Rahul!!!" I put the exclamation mark cuz that's how she addresses me, as if I wouldn't hear if she called out my name softly.

"Yeah," I said.

"You want to know something funny that happened sometime ago?", what sort of question is that? I live for funny stuff for all that goes into this space of mine.

"Go ahead," I was looking forward to it.

"Once my dog got stuck in my hair," she had the look of utmost embarrassment on her face, and I simply couldn't hold back my grin.

"Now do not tell me that it died after that incident."

"No, no. This is what happened. I used to have this really small pomeranian puppy. Really small and really cute. She used to come lick me when I was sleeping and all," She had entered ther world of animated gestures by now.

"I think we were moving out of our old house to the new house and everything was packed at that time. We had sleep on the mat those days. It was getting late in the morning and my mom had already started yelling at me. To top it the puppy was already licking and kissing my face by then." I was really curious at this point now. She had told me that the puppy was stuck in her hair.

"So I finally decided to get my arse off the mat and that's when I heard the inaudible yelps. I swear I could not see where the sound was coming from. The yelps had by then become wimper and my entire family was staring at me as if I had done the ultimate sin." By then she was little serious, but then the carefree spirit that distinguishes her on normal days was still there.

"The puppy was dangling from my hair, two of its paws free in the air and the other two clawed somewhere in my hair." I was simply listening to the tirade and smiling for I just did not know how to react.

"Know what happened the very next day?" I shook my head for I did not know what to think by then.

"My mom got me a haircut and also got me a hair straightening iron. I still use it even today." by now the glitter in her eyes had returned and she was again the person who calls me "Rahul!!!"

She called me closer to her again and said in a rather hushed and miserable tone, "And I did not even feel a thing."

I was zapped.

* Oye Ms XYZ, I hope I have done justice to what you had told me.

Signing off now, until again I have something nice to share with you.

Saga of weird experience

2009-09-23T23:20:00.003+05:30

Another of those usual days in my life, well almost. After doing the normal stuff like meeting my clients, getting few passes for the semi-finals of KPL and distributing it among my colleagues, I decided to call it a day for two reasons. One being my damn foot, which hurt like crazy because of the fall I had at the fosters party, (i slipped thanks to the amount of water that was overflowing from the pool), and partly because I had to call and fix my date for the weekend. I was feeling little too snug in the pain i guess.

Anyways, after calling my boss and informing that I wouldnt be able to make it to the KPL, i was driving back home when I met the most weirdest guy, and it happened over an accident. I went and dinged his car at the rear. Am using the word ding because that was it, but as my bad luck would have it, his car's rear bumper came loose. Should call myself lucky as he was driving a decade old Maruti800. I told him I was sorry and was more than willing to be co-operative. So we both pulled over our respective cars, and the first thing i notice is the guy taking out his Digi-cam and take a snap of my car, then me and finally his car.

Who drives around in his car with a digi-cam anticipating to be bumped into by someone? "You bumped into the wrong guy," he said with a smirk that would put the coyote in road runner to shame. I just did not know what would hit him first, my knee or my fist.

I had to keep my calm as it was my mistake, after all I was driving at speed of over 10kmph at trinity circle at the thick of traffic, in Bangalore. Anyways,

"My name is Rahul, you can take down my details and let me know what I should do, " i said, hoping that he would leave me and carry on with his great life.

"No my friend, you have to settle it right here, right now."

"Sure, do you accept card? Cuz I do not have any money on me right now," thought he would laugh. Thought I could use humor to break the ice, but no use.

"So where do you work?" he asked.

"#%$, what abt you?"

"So you report to @#$%$!& huh?", now how did he know that? I was thinking. "I work with @#%", Fuck. I did not want that to happen, of all the people in Bangalore, I ram into the my enemy's car.

Now the smirk on his face grew bigger.

And it made sense i guess. BUt even I was not ready to give up. I gave him my business card, asked him to call me when he thinks he is ready to talk.

And guess what, he called me today judiciously...

Metamorphosis

2009-09-19T22:48:00.003+05:30

I was talking to my friend earlier today. After the usual role of entertaining her with my banter and troubles that i run into every other day, the conversation took a surprising turn.

"Are you finally over her," she asked. Now that's a direct question and I have to answer such direct questions.

"No" came the sharp reply.

"Do you still love her?" Another simple question that I should not answer.

"Yes", I was surprised that I did not hesitate in replying.

"Do you want to get back to her?" What was she trying to do?

"Dont be my shrink for heaven's sake" I retorted.

"You still have not answered my question," She persisted.

"No, I do not want to get back to her," and she knew I was not lying.

"Will you ever get over her?", another of those question that I have to answer to.

"Maybe" another surprise for me.

She started off on her attempts to talk sense into me. That it is high time that I move on with life, that I should meet new people, should go out with friends and so on and so forth.

"Listen, you have to stop this nonsense. What ever you have just said, I am doing all that. Hanging out with friends, meeting new people, movies. My social life is too full for me to handle. I have very well moved on with life. Nothing stops me from doing what I want. You are talking to me of all the people. You have known me for over 8years now. Have I ever stopped living because of anything, or anyone?"

"No you have not," she did not hesitate. "In fact your's is the most exciting life I can imagine, never out of fun, never out of jokes to share, never out of weird experience."

"There you go,"I had to stress it.

"But Rahul, of all the people I know, I never thought any girl would make you fall for her."

"I sure take that as a compliment, but yeah life is full of weird stuff."

"You know what is more weird, the ultimate weirdest thing?" Now she's got me completely hooked.

"Go ahead, you have got me completely interested. Am all ears"

"You used to hate her in school," I was surprised, taken aback, speechless, and all the relevant adjectives to say the least.

"How can you be so sure? I do not remember making such a statement about anyone."

"Cuz you told me personally that you hate her. I never told you this before because I thought it would hurt you or something."

"I will talk to you later, I need to regroup"

Could it be really possible??? Guess that is the metamorphosis of life. No comments to my friends statement. She beat me hands down today, and she got the last say.

Good night.

The knack of messing up....

2009-08-23T14:27:00.001+05:30

Another eventful day has come to an end. I was supposed to meet someone today. That never happened, so made other plans with friends. I was having lunch with my friend and a friend of his. It’s been a long time since I had liquor, three days to be exact, so decided that whiskey would go well with the food. I ordered my whiskey, my friend his rum and his friend her fruit punch. We were having a good time and I think the alcohol on empty stomach was having its effect.

That’s when I see this familiar face. I strain my neck a little to confirm my doubts, and hit bull’s eye. The guy used to work with me. I decide to call out his name and push my chair back and strain a little more before I decide to call the name out. Dennisssssss!!!! That’s the last thing I remember before I get this slow sinking feeling. I feel that I am going down, literally. The leg of the chair that I was sitting on breaks under my weight. Can you believe it???

It sure is embarrassing, but thanks to the hide of a rhino that I have attained over the years, I do not bat an eyelid. I get back to my chair and then realized that I twisted my broken leg. Shucks!!! Not happening.

Now that’s what I say, turning the fun into pain!!!

State of Education

2009-08-20T11:59:00.002+05:30

"Education must be a development of the mind, the development of the personality, the development of the individual. Secondary are the skills and income earning capabilities. Because if we are able to develop the human beings, we will be able to develop the individuals and the skill; capacity and earning capacity will come automatically"

Inaugural address at the 39th Meeting of the National Development Council on Education Policy, New Delhi, 29th April 1986.

Does the education system in India adhere to this principrle??? Here education is business for schools and colleges, education is breeding ground for politicians, and for layman it doesnt help in making him a better human being. Irony, isn't it not??? How the sole purpose of education is ruined in the turmoil around.

Weird!!!!

Help me complete this letter

2009-08-17T20:30:00.002+05:30

The letter below is part of a short story. In fact it is one half of it. I am searching for few ideas so that I get a reply to this letter and complete the story. You like what I have written, you hate what I have written, feel free to comment and if possible help me complete the story. So here we go,

"Dear ………….

They say it only takes a day to fall in love, but ages to forget that one person. If truth be told, I am sitting here in my room, contemplating if to agree to this statement or listen to what is left of my heart and deny it out right. I really do not think it is remotely possible for me to forget you whom I loved so deeply, so passionately, with all my heart, and without having realized it.

I have spent the last four years of my life running away from you, running away from the only thing that was truly important to me. I thought I could wash away all the memories that you had given me, but everything was in vain. How stupid of me, now I know. I am drained, tired and beaten. The only hope that I have is to spend whatever time I have in your arms, holding you, feeling the touch of your warm breath on me.

It was foolish of me to have left you during those dark hours, and start on an endeavour that never had an ending. Now I realize that my life started and ended with you. Life has taken me through all the ups, but always with a void deep down within. I never really understood what it was that I missed or craved in life. My arrogance, my ego and narcissistic attributes blinded me beyond my own existence. I was never willing to even turn back the pages of my life and see for once the only entity that was for real, you.

I know that nothing I did can be undone. No apologies, no regrets can ever do any good now. But if there was in fact a wish, then it is to start from the beginning. Now I know that I should have told you what you meant for me. If only I could have told you how much I loved you, and that it was only your love that made me the most important person in the world. I cant imagine how spiteful it would have been for you to have loved me for a lost cause, always standing by me when I was in need of you. If only I could have appreciated you then. I now know that what actually matters the most in a relationship is not your compatibility, but the effort you put and being accepted and appreciated for the same. I ought to have thanked you a million times, for being the best part of my life. I should have told you that I loved you a million times, for only you brought out the best in me. And I have failed you, and I have failed myself without you.

I still remember something that you once told me. You give everyone every chance possible for everything that life has denied you. I am here, on my knees, seeking for that one chance that I denied you. I have stacked a lot of hopes on that, but I am also willing to let all that break if that is what you think is the best for you.

I do not know how life has treated you. Now I want to know everything that has transpired during the last four years of your life. I only wish that life has been kind to you, for if it has not been, then it would the biggest injustice. You are the kindest, considerate, understanding individual I have ever come across. I know I can’t possibly walk into your life all of a sudden and make things the way it was. You may very well be married and happily living with your spouse, I cant imagine that though. If that be the case then I do not want to make life hard for you. I have realized that you are the only reason why I have lived so far, for my redemption begins in your arms.

Hope that maybe one day you will show some mercy on me and forgive me for all my sins. Hope one day you will also realize that I too loved you the way you loved me. I do not want to lose out on you. If you think that my staying out of your life is the kindest of act I can possibly show towards you, then I will accept that with grace and poise. It would be my biggest failure, and yet my biggest victory in life.

Regards

Only yours"

Parcel post and Highway

2009-08-15T16:34:00.003+05:30

This post is abt a very exhilarating experience that my friends and i had over the past24hrs. It has evil, humour, black magic and loads of fun. I was supposed to act as a carrier for a very important shipment from Bangalore to Palakkad. The recepient of the deliverable being my uncle who was looking fwd to this particular deliverable for the past 2yrs. The reward promised in return was also worth of a lot.

My friends and I hit the road at about 8in the night. I was already feeling a lil hungry by then and stopped at a joint when I realised that the shipment has been forgotten. The biggest sin remotely possible. So what do I do?Retrace my path and go home to collect the package. You would not believe how important it is for the trip.

With much difficulty we cross the trecherous traffic of Bangalore and reach electronic city to pick up the third party, Mr Khan. He is very notorious in his trade and as expected we caught him ambulating and parambulating at the dead of night with a flower by his side. Was dreaming of more vicous plan in his mind I guess.

Finally the Three Musketeers, Mr Khan, Mr Kunju and myself Mr Devil set off for the dangerous and hilarious journey, titled "On the Highway to Hell". We call ourselves the three musketers as we find is rather easy to find ourselves in the worst kind of mess and then fight our way out of it. The drive till Krishnagiri was smooth as expected. We make blatant jokes and pull each others leg. I am the only driver for the journey, so it is imperative that they keep me in high spirits. THe first point of contention was music. I have to listen to my rock collection, while my comrades aint much of rock fans. But thanks to the trump card that I hold, which is being the sole driver, my vanity prevails. My arse and back hurts by the 3hrs of drive and 88kms into the journey. So we take a break at A2Z for all highway vouyagers, Ananda Bhavan for a cup of Coffee. We check out the area and find 2dames trying to tempt us with their beauty. Had we not had the Talisman called experience, to differentiat btw angel and demon, we would have fallen for the dirty trap played by them. So without batting an eyelid and paying 150bucks for coffee and cookie we set out for the destination.

By the time we left the coffee shop, it started drizzling. And within another 15min, it started pouring. Nothing was to be seen beyond 10 mtrs and huge mamotian vehicles were flying past us in such dangerous situation. When we left Bangalore itself, it was decided that Tea and cigerattes would keep us alive and awake and kicking. The concentration that I had to employ to drive through the rain was much beyond my realm of understanding. And thanks to the extra superb AC that my beast of a Santro has, we soon became drowsy. "Can we smoke in the enclosed area?" asked Kunju. Thus, we lit the cigeratte and converted a small space in the car into an ashtray, switched on the light and started feeling the drag. Within minutes, the car was filled with smoke, eyes were burning and i could not see the road properly thanks to the rain. "It fucking feels like a bar in here." I had to agree.

We gave the likes of Volvos and trucks a run for their money and finally had made good distance when misery stuck as again. The road from Salem to Coimbatore was much beyond repair. My poor baby had to go through pain and everytime the muddle of rock and sand and stones hit it's private part, it sent shock waves through us. We were cursing the contruction company for the mess that they have made when I my cell phone rings. Now who would be calling me at 2in the night. I was sure that it wouldnt be any girl friend of mine and my conrades look at me with as if I am the sinner among the lot. "Yes mom?No I haven reached yet. Will call you when I reach". That was bad. My mom still had not slept.

Now that we had covered more than half the jounrney, we were more relaxed and thought that the worst was over. How wrong was I? Fatigue took grip of all our nerves and I was soon drifting into my dreams. "ELGI!!!" I heard Kunju shout. "What?" OH! I said to myself. Came back to my senses by then. Thank God!! Told myself. Then again after another ardurous stretch, I closed my eyes again, but by then we had reached Kerala. And out here in Kerala, it is not He who makes a mistake who gets caught. It's the other way round. So did not have any problem in whatever screw up I did out here.

And finally we reach the destination and ready to make the delivery. You would be thinking by now what the package is. It was about 4 tee-shirts....

Rahul's Temper

2009-07-30T20:26:00.003+05:30

I really do not know if people I know would agree with what I am going to share in this space now. It is regarding my temper. I am pretty sure that if I said that my temper is something that people should stay away from, my friends and acquaintances would laugh out loud. Today, I would like to recollect the instances when i got so damn angry that the person at the receiving end turned to tears.

The first instance would be sometime during my schooldays. I was supposed to write something on the black board and my classmates were supposed copy it down. I started writing and this guy kept erasing whatever i wrote. The more I wrote the more happy he was in erasing it. I got so damn pissed that I punched him in the gut and he started crying. I really did not care a damn, but now I wish I could not have punched him.

The second instance when i really got to know how much anger I had was back in college. I had not seen my then gf for days. Then finally am back in the college and all excited abt meeting up with her. As luck would have it, she had some sorta exam the very next day and insisted on studying for it. Me being so me, thought it would be best for her to study rather than goof up the exam. I am at the college with friends, and this guys come along and in the most nonchalant way, "Dude, what's your gf doing in the gallery with that guy?" I could not believe my ears. She was supposed to be studying. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to see her. There i see her sitting and yapping away to glory with her best friend. As I approach she jumps with joy, and me??Am burning with anger. I was so pissed off at her that I turned my bike and sped away like a mad dog. I swear, had anyone come in between the road and my bike that day, he/she would be dead meat.

I would always remember the last time i lost my temper. I did something that I will always regret. I was having a really bad day and to top it, this friend of mine said something which i took in a wrong way. I completely lost my sanity and said things I could never imagine. When i replay the words in my head, I realise that I can be the meanest person in the world. I do not know if I will ever be forgiven for the things that I have said and done in such state of mind. But I sure would like to ask everyone I have hurt inadvertently for forgiveness if possible.

Sayonara...

Tryst with Flowers

2009-07-29T21:55:00.003+05:30

How often have you used flowers to get something done, or get flowers to tell that you are sorry, or get flowers to just just bring in a smile???
If you ask me, I have used flowers for each of the aforementioned reasons in vain.

1) The first time flower trick backfired was when a close friend of mine called me up on Friday evening and started cribbing about how she has to work on a Saturday. I empathized with her, and decided that I would do something to brighten her day and sent her flowers to her office on Saturday. I get a call from this friend of mine at around 4 in the evening. I was riding my bike and thus gave the phone to a friend of mine, thinking she would be all happy and smiling and thanking me. Instead, the pillion rider bursts out laughing, and let me know that she did not go to office - weird how ppl change their decision at the last minute and ruin a surprise.

2) This incident happened a while ago. It was the birthday of someone rather special. I could not be with that person, so decided that I will do the new. Send her beautiful flowers over the net. Thus, with much difficulty I chose the best looking roses from the online catalog and place the order. I decided that I would not call or message. Instead, let the flower do all the talking. I waited till the end of the day, never once heard from her. Then I finally put my ego aside and called her to wish her on her birthday at around 9pm. She thanked me for calling her and hung up the phone. I thought maybe the flowers were never delivered. Finally at around midnight i msd her asking if she got the flowers and thus comes the reply "oh! thanks rahul. It was rather nice of you." - weird how you put in such efforts and get cold shouldered.

3) This seriously is a fuck up from my side here. I sent flowers to a friend of mine who was really pissed off at me. I deserved it in the first place. Any which ways, she just would not listen to me. So I thought I will use the flowery rout again(yeah, i never learn from mistakes). So stare into my laptop and place an order for some really nice flowers. I get two mails in the inbox, which i fail to check, thinking it was only confirmation. Besides, the flowers were to be delivered the very next day. On the day of the delivery I finally open the mail and realise that it was a cancellation letter rather than confirmation. Gawd i felt like an arse at that moment. So i sit again, find the same flowers and place the order again. This time though, the flowers need to be delivered the same day. I waited with baited breath to know if the flowers were delivered. I got no call from the friend of mine. I got no mail from the online portal. All i got is a hope that flowers may've been delivered, and that she may have forgiven me - weird how i can screw up everytime i find something good.

2009-05-23T09:51:00.002+05:30

The last few days were madness. I had an engagement to attend in Mumbai and the very next day a wedding in Palakkad. I took the flight to Mumbai from Bangalore on Tuesday night. It was raining cats and dogs in Bangalore. I left office@7PM so that i could get into the cab at 845PM. I thought the rain would relent by then, but as luck would have it, it was not. It only got worse, which i realised later on. The flight took off on time, and i thought i will have a good sleep and be ready for the next day. Only problem was we hit mid flight turbulence, the aircraft went for a toss. It was rocking everywhich ways. I have this fluid imbalance thing, which means that i cant stand such sudden jolts. I thought i would throw up then and there. I looked around and i saw this girl who was praying like crazy. Turns out that she was first time flyer and afraid of heights. Put in a lot of turbulence and you will have the prefect recepie for stroke at such young age. I knew exactly how she felt and hence struck up a conversation with her till the flight landed in Mumbai, to ensure that she would be alright. As they say, courage is valued more when to brave for someone else than yourself.
Anywhich ways, hit the Mumbai airport on time, to be greeted by my mom and dad. We sat talking till around 330 and finally slept. I hit the centrestage by around 11, when i reached the groom's place. That's when i realised how it is to be under the fire from all sides. Everyone around there wanted to know everything about. Right from how my work was coming by to when i was planning to shift or go fror higher studies to which girl i was dating and if i was serious. My god, it was bloody awful. How was i supposed to answer such questions, that too in a court filled with relatives. Anywhichways, i kept my cool and deflected most of the personal questions with my boyish charm and smile and answered what i thought was necessary. Later i came to know that the whole exercise of cross questioning me was because my relatives had seen a girl in Mumbai who they thought would make a perfect match. Good thing i came to know about only later, else they would have known what it feels like to be under fire, he ehe...
Anywhichways, that was a nightmare trip....
cheers...

TFTD2

2009-05-04T09:44:00.001+05:30

Food for thought

" What hurts your ego the most during a breakup? The fact that you are breaking up or the thought that he/she maybe with someone else?"

TFTD 1

2009-05-02T10:48:00.001+05:30

How can i reason with the world if it has already decided not to listen to me??

Everyday Life1

2009-04-30T09:26:00.001+05:30

The whole world asks for forgiveness not knowing what they did wrong. Should I empathize and forgive or should i deny them their peace of mind???

Few facts

2009-04-29T13:46:00.004+05:30

Why cant you see that I am the only one with you on this sinking ship. I am here not by chance, but cuz I chose to be here, for I know that i can steer us to safety.

Let me sleep please

2009-04-29T09:36:00.003+05:30

Am thinking what is the best way to get the most peaceful sleep, a shot of whiskey, pills or hard work???
Guess i should choose the right option and go for hard work.....

Introspection

2009-04-28T10:07:00.002+05:30

At times it amazes me, the way i can motivate myself, the way i can push forward without caring for anything but my goal.

Life

2009-04-27T10:03:00.002+05:30

"The biggest challenge in life is to choose which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn. I am the bridge that has to be burnt after crossing."

Something i wrote a while ago

2009-04-24T09:33:00.002+05:30

We always dream about that perfect girl,

With so much of passion and so much of adoration

I never had those dreams wherein I see the love of my life,

I never had any dejavu to identify my soul mate when I finally run into her,

Maybe because I do not believe in destiny,

Or because I know life is not all that easy.

I have, in my life, come across many girls,

Few of them very special to me,

Even fewer, I cherish,

And someone like you who I adore.

I do not remember the day you walked into my life,

I do remember the day I saw you, and you almost owned me then.

I wanted to know what you were like,

Hear more from you,

Talk to you, be it for few moments.

Those meaningless banter, describing your dreams,

The way your mind wanders along with the dreams; reflected in your eyes

Your hand working its way through the air to gesture the intensity of your words

The way you talk about yourself, with least bit of restrain.

The lips moving with so much of life and energy,

Those fingers working magic on the canvas of anyone's heart,

The way you do not work hard to impress others,

The way you sounded so serious, the last time I dreamt of you.

The way you try to be a lady in spite of the cheerfulness you show,

And end goofing around with such innocence.

The humbleness, yet the arrogance to live your life

The small dreams and aspiration you want to achieve at any cost

The bigger dreams you have and yet forgoing them.

The way you readily accept the reality.

The simplicity of life

The wide smile in accepting life

The trepidations in your heart regarding the future life

Yet the confidence in standing up to the life.

Everything amazes me

It makes you stand a little too far away from the myriad of girls.

It amazes me that you have not found anyone yet,

Or it is shocking that nobody has found you so far,

For you sparkle more than the diamonds I have seen in my life

It astounds me that even in you nonchalant talk about yourself,

I hear that call for someone.

I am not worth a treasure like you,

Yet I know what your real worth is.

All thanks to the so many mistakes in my life.

I do not know what I feel about you, how deeply I think about you

I know I adore you a lot,

I know I like you a lot,

I know I respect you a lot,

I know am not in love with you, but I sure could get used to that, this I know.

What I want is those few moments of yours,

Wherein you speak your mind so carelessly,

And I hear them like magic of sound

Hearing to those trepidations I mentioned,

And may be try a little to fix few problems.

When you feel about someone this way, you take that extra effort

Not to love, but to make life a little better for that person,

And expecting nothing more than a thank you, or maybe a smile, or maybe a grin

That's all I care, that's all I wished, when I thought so much about you

The art of quitting the butt...

2009-04-22T17:04:00.003+05:30

I need to kick the butt in the butt and i really need some help in this regard.....

I wanted to know more about nicotine patches....
I googled it....i really did not like the sound of it in the first place and the description scared the living shit out of me....To begin with i need to stick it for 24hrs a day, which will give me rashes and itching sensation. I really do not like that. The chances of people quitting cig cuz of the patch is only 7% and it's a huge risk that i need to take as it's expensive. The usage of nicotine patch is such that i need to continue using it for over a period of 6months.
The worst part is the side-effects. It can scare the living nightmare out of everyone. Basically it gives you nightmares. I alreadt have trouble sleeping cuz of various things, including my work life and i really do not want to have anymore masala added to it.

Then i thought of using nicotine gum....
It's a little more useful than patches, but then i will not be able to do my work once i start using the gum. One it's fucking bitter and secondly, it makes you giddy and drowsy and what not the entire day.

Then there is the third way, the hard way...quitting cig by will power...
"One of the greatest ironies of courage and will power, and the reason why we prize it so highly, is that we it easier to be brave for someone else than we do for ourselves"
I strongly believe in this....so now i need to know if there is someone out there for who i will bare it all, show it all.....dare it all...

anyways.....if anyone has got any advice, do let me know....cuz it's high time i kick the butt in the right place...it's high time i live a nicotine freee life... :)

The humour of Life

2009-04-20T17:54:00.005+05:30

When you face the greatest irony of life, you start running around in a circle, looking for that opening which never exits. When you are me, who can never accept defeat, or take things lying down, you keep finding out loopholes, you keep knocking on every single door to find the answer and solution. I have spent two weeks with due diligence trying to leave no stones unturned and finding the most simple answer, which is in fact the most toughest decision also.

As always, it is my personal life that bought me to this juncture. There is a lovely damsel, a beast, which in this context is me, and then there is the villain, which is also me. All my life my people around me adored me for what I am, what i could be. This led to arrogance, and it consumed me. I became the most self-obsessed arrogant, self righteous inhuman human I could possibly come across.

I never had any condescending attitude, but by not having it I became larger than life. I never treated anything wrong, but by doing that I became more inhumane in nature. I expected

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nothing from anything, for I knew I could survive even the toughest battle all alone, with no outside help what-so-ever. To an extent I became too altruistic.

In the relationship frontier girls where scared of me being so me. I never believed in changing for anyone. I never wanted anyone to change for me also. So much so that ppl around me thought I could never be tied down by love or lust or any sort of humane characteristic. Everyone thought I had the worst case of commitment phobia. I tell my parents that I am seeing someone and all they do is accept the fact in the most non-chalant manner. As if they accept me to go back to them and tell them again that am seeing somebody else.

"Rahul??? His mom is the most luckiest person alive, cuz she knows he could never love anyone or commit to anyone" I once heard that from an old love interest.

"Rahul has got the biggest commitment issues", I heard that from a person who was interested in me but got scared by my nature. Now we are good friends.

"Rahul, you need to loosen up a lil, at least try and act jeaolous of someone or something. Atleast get angry at someone every once in a while." another blatant comment I heard and never bothered.

Then everything went for the toss. I found the dame, she was irrestible. She matched me in everything. At times i had to put extra effort to match her standards. I could never be inferior to her, and she could never to inferior to her. My whole life took a U-turn. Slowly I started loosening up, I started having traits like jealousy which was unheard of. I started looking fwd to talking to her, spending time with her. I started understanding the meaning of love in the most pristine and clear manner.

For the first time i started caring someone more than myself. I started loving life more than I ever could and for the first time i wanted to bring the world to someone's footstep.

Then what happened???

The beast in me became the hero in me. The villain in me melted in her arms.

And then???

She realised that she had commitment issue :P

Me....

2009-04-20T09:32:00.001+05:30

No matter how hard i try to be late, I always end up reaching the place before time....

Losing track of time

2009-04-18T14:39:00.001+05:30

It is 830 in the morning and I realise that I am already running late for my 10 am appointment. I believe it is one of those days when you get up on the wrong side of the bed, for I am never late for my meetings. I walk into the bathroom and look at myself into the mirror. That is when i believe that i lost track of time. I stand there staring at myself and starts wondering about everything that has happened to me over the past couple of years. As always it starts with my love life, which i believe has hit rock bottom. I look around the room hoping to hear some sort of sound, only if to appease my mind, i strain my ears to hear someone call my name. Nothing, it was just me and the image of what could have been me a long time ago.
The image staring at me from the mirror suddenly disappears. I take this as a figment of my imagination and tell myself that I am right there staring at the mirror and my image starting back at me. I see it again, but this time I am not looking at a figure in the bathroom. The background is pitch black, as if life does not exist at such a place. Normally this would have scared the hell out of me and i would have come back to reality, but not today. I think i wanted to go with the tide, of fly with the wind. I believe i wanted to lose that thread or knot with reality. I believe i was going insane at that particular moment. I liked it and i did not care.
I still remember the eyes staring back at me, but not the face. I like to believe that it was mine, i cant be sure at this point of time though. Yet i would place my bet on the face not being mine. The face was too rugged, too cruel, too inhumane to be mine. It had that animal like quality which is not usually associated with humans. I think it could have been the devil in me, or was it the angel in me? Either way, it was telling me something, and from the look on his face i think he was saying something serious. I could feel the gravity in the eyes, the seriousness on the menacing lips. How could i tell him that I can only see the movements, not hear him? Would it have been apt in a situation like that?Maybe i was a little frightened by then, for I could not manage a single word.
Snap....
the bell rings....
it's my room-mate, waiting for me at the door....
If only i knew what was happening to me could i do something about it...

Evolution of life in Bangalore

2009-04-18T14:33:00.002+05:30

It's been over nine months since i relocated to Bangalore. I came here with lot of anticipation, professionally and personally. In Malayalam, there is a proverb 'papi chenna idam pathalam', which roughly means, where ever a sinner goes, it becomes hell.
To begin with, I had a great life, for close to 45days. That was when I was employed with Indian Express. Business was coming in smoothly, I did not have to work much, was getting paid decently, my boss was happy, my folks were happy, I was happy. Even more so due to the perks I could get there. Holidays, paid leaves, loans, insurance....you name it and you got it.
It was around this time that the devil in me first hit me, I decided to shift to a new company. I was persuaded by my uncle into joining the firm. He painted a picture of challenges, hardships, aggression, lot of work, tiredness and so on. I believe that these are not the kind of things that anyone would be looking fwd to in a new company, and I also believe that no other person would have been allured by such a picture. Anywhich ways, i finally accepted the offer and there was no looking back.
I have never looked back after this. My working hrs changed from 45hrs a week to 66hrs a week. The time i spent with family decreased from 7hrs to zero. The time i spent reading, listening to music, watching a movie decreased to zero. I never had a girl friend to dream about when in Express, but when i did get a girl friend finally, i had dreams of selling my brand rather than dreaming about her.
So basically i was married to my work. How did it affect me professionally?? it was fantastic. I have seen myself evolving into a better employee, i have fine tuned few things and I have become more meticulous, I now believe that no matter what the product is I can sell it as long as it has got a little value and it is competitive.
Now comes the tough part, the work-life balance. I never understood what people meant when they said this thing. I was always amused by this term and now i know how difficult it is. The biggest dilemma would be deciding if i should go home or should i go meet my girl friend. At this age it's obvious that I would be more interested in spending more time with my Gf. But then few things should be done cuz that's how it is.
So I need to get back to work.....

Fountain Head

2009-04-17T18:35:00.001+05:30

“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”

Few of my favourite quotes from Shantaram

2009-04-17T17:42:00.002+05:30

"Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything exept tears. In the end that's all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have - to hold on tight until the dawn"

"One of the ironies of courage and why we prize it so highly, is that we find it easier to be brave for somone else than we do for ourselves alone"

"It's such a huge arrogance, to love someone, and there's too much of it around. There's to much love in the world. Sometimes I think thats what heaven is - a place where everybody's happy because nobody loves anybody else, ever."

"If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke"

"There’s no meanness too spiteful or too cruel, when we hate someone for all the wrong reasons."

"Nothing grieves more deeply or pathetically than one half of a great love that isn’t meant to be."

"At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread instead is that we won’t stop loving them, even after they are dead and gone."

2008-09-21T09:43:00.003+05:30

"The most painful part of life is to be one half of the perfect love story which was never meant to be. Have i ever been there??? I am there right now, with the surroundings as dark as my mind. The only hope for me to get out of this is to dive deep into this abyss that i have created, and destroy the idol that i have made, the idol of that person who is the other half of my story."
Do not remember where i read it.

First days in Bangalore

2008-06-21T08:36:00.003+05:30

The lighter moments in life during the early days in Bangalore!!!

I stay at proximity of 5 km from the office. Unfortunately I have to hire a rickshaw every time I need to visit my office, which is everyday, and so to save the money I walk about half the distance and then hire the rick. It so happened that one day I walked 5km only to find that I took the wrong turn at the right junction, only to end up with “Auto!!!Auto!!!”
Being new to Bangalore, I decided to walk around to get to know the places better. After walking for over 5km, I decided that I have understood the roads. The next day, to test myself, I took the rick and gave the driver the location. I was waiting eagerly to see the roads that I had formed in my head. “Ended up finding more ways then I could fathom, and realised that my roads were all one ways and took me no were. Ooooops!!!”
New place=New language. Though I am not equipped with kannada, I am quite happy speaking Tamil and Hindi, which is widely accepted in Bangalore. So after my not so successful mission of understanding the roads, I decided to take a break and drink juice. At the nearest juice counter I ordered for Lime juice, and after waiting a long time, ended up drinking GRAPE Juice. I wonder how I got that mixed up.
Another walk, another story. This time it is Brigade Road. Rajesh and I, walking with no job at hand. He was supposed to join his company that day, and I the next. After having walked about 6-7 km, I decided to drink lemon soda. Cuz of the previous experience, I avoided the juice counters and went to a ‘Petty Kada’. No much confusion, asked for lemon soda, got lemon soda, asked for the price “Twang!!!” It was 20 bucks. My pathetic look at Rajesh earned me a discount of Rs 5. Way to go!!!

For you, If you ever happen to read it.....

2008-06-20T21:43:00.002+05:30

I do not start my day thinking of you

Yet my everyday thoughts are so full of you

I do not end my day dreaming of you

Yet the only dreams I have are of you

In this place with so many girls

Who come in wonderful size and shape and looks

I no longer long to take a second look

Thence I yonder into this not so normal a change in me

Only to be hit by the strangest and the simple truth

That my eyes are at peace, only looking at you

The rendezvous with you, for me, is so natural a high

That I enter my surreal world with an ease so unsettling

Wherein I am at the liberty to speak my mind

If only to tell you I love you so.

Is this the love I was looking for? I know not the answer to thee

But I would spend a lifetime, if only trying;

To love you in the truest sense I know

Hear every unfinished dream you ever had

Understand the slightest of your movement so tender

Look deep into your eyes and read your thoughts

Comfort you at the worst of times

Hold your hand at the grimmest of hours

Show you the light at the darkest of hours, if only with a wasted torch

Make you smile at your lowest low

Stand by you and not speak a word, like a second shadow ever so close

And above all, getting to know you like no one before.

I am at loss for more words to say

That maybe I am truly in love with you

For the only way to put in words

Of how much I love you dearly

Is to say that I want to hit the bed night with you by my side

And wake up to a wonderful day with only you by my side

Day after day, night after night

For a day is not a day, and night not a night

If you are not there in it.

Truly

Rahul

A stroll in the night

2008-06-05T23:56:00.003+05:30

Time: 11:20
Place: Calicut, KSRTC bus stand.

I was supposed to pick up mema(my aunt), from the KSRTC bus stand today. Even though I am from Calicut, I have never really ventured into the dark secrets of this place in my past 14 odd years at this place. I cant boast of a solid night life at this place, this being my reason for not hanging out much into the night. But today I did realise that there is a life after midnight at this place. A life, which the society would term anti social, a life of prostitution.

I have never really met or in fact seen a hooker work, I have not had any contact with hookers so far in my life. I am proud of that fact.

I recently had vouched to reduce the number of cigarettes I inhale, and i believe I was doing a damn fine job at it. But today though, I had to wait for my aunt for a while before her bus arrived. I considered the wait as the right opportunity for me to get one of those deadly rolls, just to pass of some time. I was blowing out the smoke, when I noticed a lady in Salwar stroll by ever so nonchalantly. This definitely quipped my curiosity. You do not find lonely ladies walk by at this hour, with a look of owning everything around. She came stood by me, and couple of gazes in her direction confirmed my suspicion that she was one of those night creatures, whose day began when ours ended. I really was not interested in what was about to begin, and quickly put out my ever so precious cigarette and walked over to the other side of the road. I clearly did not want to miss what was about to happen you see. How the seductress became the seduced?

I cant believe the number of guys who struck up conversation with her, it clearly was pure business talk I believe. Suddenly I heard a female voice disturbing the calmness of the night, with abuses that I myself find hard to use in broad day light. Clearly, they could not finalise on the going rate. I was standing with a bunch of rickshaw guys, and they were trying to shoo the disturbance away. It was clear that they did not want such unsolicited behaviour in their backyard. I then left my look out point to enquire the bus timing, but in vain. Thus deciding to witness some more of the commotion outside. I left my look out point and found a place right opposite to our unwanted guests. By this time, she had made few more male friends and the intimacy had reached such levels in the span of 5 minutes that she was sharing cigarettes with the prospective partner. Unfortunately the deal did not go through, for she pushed everyone aside.

It is at this point that she started moving from her perch, and where to? Towards me. That was certainly the last thing I wanted on this day. Having a conversation with a hooker. Even though I am very strict about my policy of "No sex for money", i would not mind talking or even flirting with a real hot babe, whom society might not approve off. But the thing coming in my direction was way below abysmal. I clearly got the hint that the time has come for me to bail off. Off I went in the direction of the bus stand, and thankfully the bus arrived at about the same time. I greeted mema and carried her luggage to our car. On our way back, I turned around to see if our friendly neighbour was around. Luckily, she was nowhere to be seem.

Rahul the early snob

2008-06-05T18:12:00.000+05:30

Have you ever tried to turn back the pages of life, to say a time when you were a 2 yr old or 6 yr old or maybe 10year old? Few memories stay with you for ever, like the time you flew a kite with your grandpa over the barren fields, or the time you tried to milk the cow and almost got kicked, or the time you almost drowned in the pond. But there are events in your life as a kid, you would never know about, unless told by your mom our grandma or in my case my kid sister.

Year 1991

Place: A remote village in Kerala.

“I was carefree as ever, gleefully happy to be that way. As I was the apple of everyone’s eye at that time, being the only boy child at that time, I was pampered to the core. “Your wish is my command”, that was me. I used to wish, and that was a command for everyone. I remember tagging my grandpa to the work place, with a spade in hand and my dog Caesar behind me. My grandpa was a hard worker, and everyday I try to imitate him, like working his spade skilfully in channelling the water. I used to try eagerly, but within about 2-3 heaves I would give up and play with other workers or even get a banana off the banana plant and enjoy it. There was an instance when I made one of the workers get me a tender coconut, when everyone was working. There was one time when it was raining heavily and water was about to flood our grove, Grandpa put on his cap, made of some plant, and I mine. We both got out on to the grove and he kept making channels after channels for the water to flow by. I cut the wrong channels at the wrong place and grandpa had to make it right later on. This is one of the hectic days for me by the way. My normal days usually consisted of sweating like a pig, guess I was a pig then. I used to wake up early I believe, grandma would usually milk the cows early in the morning and I loved to drink the fresh milk right after milking. That is my first glass of milk (there would be a fourth glass by the end of the day), and the glass used to take in half litre of milk. Once I am done milking the cow, I am off to pester the hen and the cock. Even though they are used to waking up quite early, trust me, their day was fully up when I wake up. The hens always left back an egg inside their nest and every time I got a chance to retrieve it, I was on cloud #9. That is the next thing I ate. Egg, I liked it any which way, boiled, scrambled, or omelette. Then it is play time for me, and guess who were my friends? My dog Caesar, the chickens, the calves. Caesar and I chase the chicks and this gave me a sadistic pleasure. I used to chase the calf around and at times slap it with a stick or what ever I had in my hand. Once I am tired of all these, I run into the house and get few bananas, bring it to the veranda, hog it gleefully and then get back to the business of irritating everything around me.”

I wonder if I am still the same, but guess I have changed a little. I no longer hurt other living things for pleasure. I still remember many things I used to do as a kid. But there was another incident, which I had completely forgotten, until today. I still don’t remember saying it, in fact I can’t fathom that I was the one who said that.

“I am the eldest in my generation in my mother’s side. At the age of six, I had 3 sisters, two of them being four years younger to me, which means that the youngest one was couple of months old at that time. I had grown close to Ranju, and Anju. I have had them for two years by then, and as they did not take all the attention away from me, I clearly did not have any problem with me. And in the two years I realised that they were not going to be a major challenge to my fiefdom, my kingdom. Besides it was cool to play the elder brother, and also they were very cute. I used to love playing with them. Anyways, things were different with my youngest sister. ‘A third girl to Rahul’s kingdom?’ He did not care much, there are already two of them, what can a third one do? So I will be brother to three girls, guess it was not that bad a proposition. I should point out that my two sisters, Ranju and Anju used to be very cute at that time, and as I myself was very cute it was quite ok with me to hang around with cute or pretty people. My mom was pretty, mema(aunt) was pretty, and grandpa and grandma were beautiful. So far, everything in my life were pretty, or beautiful or yummy (the fruits, the fish, the egg, milk, chicken). Anyways, Anu, my youngest sister was a put off for me. She was not particularly cute or pretty or beautiful. And I did not like her. That’s like a chink in my armour, an ugly duckling in Rahul’s perfect world. How can I allow that, it affected my pride real bad. I had to do something about it didn’t I? After killing my poor brain for a really long time, I finally decided what should be done. I went straight to mema(my aunt) and with lot of authority and sympathy said “Meme, let us give Anu away, I do not like her, she is not very cute.”

Before you make any judgments about me, Arjun killed his cousins for a reason, I did not do that did I? Also, I was one spoiled kid at that time, who thought too much of himself. Now I am very close to all my three sisters, and my youngest sister happens to the prettiest of them all. Also, I did not know about this story until she herself told me about it today afternoon. Phew….

2008-02-19T00:32:00.002+05:30

Prince to pauper

2008-02-04T20:45:00.000+05:30

Rahul: till 2006

A Rayban eye gearà5000bucks, an N series at the beginning à 20,000 bucks, my canon digital camera à 27 grand, my sony dvd video camera à 36k. I was rich wasn’t I? Well, my dad was, not I. I am sure as hell that none of my friends’ father earned as much as my dad. Was I proud of it? Was I the spoiled brat? I sure was far from being proud of it, or being a spoiled brat. But if I recollect correctly I sure was one arrogant bastard. I did not act like the run of the mill prodigal son who wanted to stay at par with the latest gadget, I was not the kid who had a huge allowance every month. My mom never raised me as a rich kid. I was raised as the self sufficient normal middle class kid, who had almost everything he wanted to enjoy life. It was another thing that I did not want much, I was just happy getting what ever I had with me.

So why was I so arrogant? Or was I? Many people who had come across me would surely remember me as “that self centred arrogant asshole”, especially girls. Ultimately everything depend on what the opposite sex things right. I think I was arrogant about being me. I had everything I could possibly want, only problem is I never wanted anything. I had a great bunch of guys who I called friends. To an extent I thing it was also because I had a great girl friend then. Everything was just about perfect, wasn’t it? Almost close to it at least. Got a new dress during those festive seasons, or the old cloths of my uncles which I loved a lot, everyone simply loved me. I really did not care how I looked, I was just bloody handsome, or at least I assumed.

I always stayed ahead of others in the sprint of life. I literally stayed ahead of others, while walking, while talking. I always wanted to lead others. I have done that in school, I did that in college, I did that at home. I think everyone around me treated me with love and hatred at the same time. May be at some levels few people who I did not even know may have aspired to be in my shoes, who knows. Most of them just hated my guts, maybe I was a little out spoken, maybe I managed to be at the centre of attraction most of the times. I never asked for it, I just managed it some how or the other. Felt good. Who would not say it did not feel good if ya did everything that I said above?

To top it all I had a great family, cool parents actually. I could speak my mind where ever I wanted, to who ever I wanted to. I was given all the freedom to make my own decision right from the early days, and I was treated in a manner that I was asked for my opinion about things that mattered a lot. If only I had respected the life that I enjoyed.

Rahul: from 2007

Thank God, I already have a laptop, a digital camera, a video recorder, a cell phone. Rentà2grand, Petrolà 500 bucks, going homeà god it would cost me close to 1k, one of my relatives come down à buy something or treat another Rs.1000, sisters birthday à should I make it big or small (certainly big you moron, she’s your only sister), the debt I have to payback à over 1grand, I almost forgot the promise I made mom and myself about giving something to charity, will do it next month I guess. Eyegear? Fastrack à should I go for the 2k one or the 1000bucks one? Maybe I can save something and buy the 2k one next month. So what does that leave me with by the mid of the month? Another rs2000 bucks in my bank, and loads of prayers that nothing unexpected comes up for the next 15days, that my friends does not think of getting drunk, and I certainly have to ration my food at any cost. Hope I do not have to go see a doctor like last month, for that bugger made me poorer by 500 bucks and I certainly can’t afford it this month.

Then all of a sudden a close friend of mine calls, “Hey Rahul come to town, lets have coffee and catch up on the lost time,” disaster strikes at the worst possible time doesn’t it. Then you wish it was your other closer friend to whom you can tell the truth, “no girl, not now am broke”. If only life was that easy, that the people who knew the old me could realise that things have changed, that I’ve changed, for the better or for worse, who knows?

Instead of thinking which girl I would like to take out on a date, am worrying about making it to the next month, in other words about making the ends meet. Suddenly the arrogance that I once radiated is substituted by the aura of humbleness. I just hope it ain’t that visible with naked eyes. In fact I do not find time to be arrogant. I no longer have the liberty to decide on a restaurant depending on the décor or the service or the quality of the food, but forced to decide on the restaurant based on the change I got in my pocket. Suddenly my love for food, sweets, juices, life had changed. I find it rather weird you know. Suddenly I crave for something that I never wanted much in life, money. I was raised on the principle that money is not everything, it’s the root of evil. Now my thoughts are on how to make more money. Not to spend it extravagantly on the zillions of things that I do not want. But simply to stop being so fucking frugal.

My friends have money, my parents have money, then why don’t I ask them for a little help ones in a while. I have an explanation for that also, I have never asked for anything to anyone. A little too much of self esteem I guess. Besides, it is only hard to ask for something the first time. Once you get used to it, the second time would be so goddamn easy. I do not want to get used to it.

My dad used to say that he had a hard time coming up in life. He had worked for peanuts and that he did not want his kids to go through the same. But I have found a pleasure like nothing else in all the difficulties that I have gone through. I may not have been defeated by life, but am long way from winning it. And I am quite sure that I won’t give up anytime soon. Besides, I have found a part of my dad’s hardships in my hardships. I have learnt to respect life for what it is.

If someone asks me if I would go through all those hard times again, I would certainly accept it. Not for anything spectacular, but for the humane nature of life. For all the efforts that I have put to come to terms with the present, for the simple feeling of living life like a normal life.

My first poem

2008-01-14T18:27:00.000+05:30

This here is the first poem i wrote for myself.....actually i was made to write it by my mom...i was sitting home for the vacation eating her head and she asked me to write. Myself being a good kid, started producing my prattle into meaningful word....at least it sounded meaningful back in 9th grade,...just dug this up from over 6million poems in poetry.com....cheers

Rain

The first rain comes down in tiny drops
To wet the earth which is dry
Along comes the thunders
That awakes the life on earth
To life and joy.

The scent of wet earth
Sedates the excited life on earth.
Frogs sing to abate their joy
Crows craw to show their happiness.

The wind blows with the rain
To make her dance like a beautiful girl
She moves this way and then that
To feel the presence of life on earth.

Men and women forget themselves
To appease their long waited thirst
And the HOLLY ONE
Sees this to please HISself

First love letter

2008-01-14T18:22:00.000+05:30

I wrote this poem way back in ninth grade. I had my first crush then, on a fellow student of mine. I do not want to reveal her name here, but this is what i felt for her as a highschooler,....love was so innocent then....

Love

when i look into her eyes
i do forget myself
when i don't see her
i feel much angry with myself

she makes me feel
i am on the top of the world
she makes me feel
i am different from all

what else can i say about her?
you can see her in my eyes
you can hear her heartbeat in my chest
you can feel her presence in my breath

i thrive for her
i crave for her
i live for her
but sad truth is she isn't mine.

The new generation gap

2008-01-12T20:10:00.000+05:30

“Raul etta, caan v play jumpin motrcycl game in the compooter?” no, nothing is wrong with my spelling. These are the words of my 4 year old cousin brother. This made me sit back and think about the impact of the new age technology on the younger generation.

The first time I heard about computer was way back in the late 1990’s. I would have been 13 then. The first time I used the computer was when I was 15. Computer was a luxury then, a luxury unlike the present day luxury which every one can afford. Only one student in my batch owned a computer then, and he was rich. He was so rich that he made sure he had an internet connection also. Mind you, at that time our district did not have the facility to support the internet, so he had to dial to Cochin to get the internet connection, and that was an STD call. I remember being in the audience at his place once where he was showing off his internet facility. Had I known the importance of internet, I swear I would have been flabbergasted. But unfortunately I did not know about it, and so did many of my peers. The situation was synonymous to a blind guy trying to admire the beauty of sunrise.

I owned my first desktop when I was in my 11^th grade. I bought the desktop as it was a necessity for I had computer science as a subject. It was the best in the market, and yet the Chandler in me took control over me and I spent the time watching movies and trying to play few games (I was miserable). Had I spent the time and effort in a diligent manner, I may have owned an enterprise like the google. I happen to read The Google Story, and it was clearly stated that the initial promotion that google got was by word of mouth. When I look back, it was same in my case also. I was referred to google by a friend of mine. I was one of those kids who did not understand the power of internet and often spent the time searching for porn, and trust me; there is lot of porn in the net.

Back in the good old school days, assignments and project mainly involved many laborious hours from our side. If the project involved pictures, then the time spent on it would be even more for I was really bad at drawing. We had to go through so many books, papers and also hunt for few picture charts in the market and finally took the aid of parents if possible to complete the work. I felt snug about having to do a project for it made me feel that I had done something and also because I could spend less time studying. Now the case is different, every project is available at your finger tips. The list goes on. The first time I made a bank transaction, the first time I booked a railway ticket, air ticket, and so on. Everything may sound mundane, but it did have one thing worth treasuring. The innocence attached to every act of the first timers. You do not get that these days.

In contrast the present day kids are way different. I had a hard time differentiating between hardware and software when in 10^th grade, and dot matrix printers where miracle, whereas the present day kids get accustomed to the computer world rather swiftly. My 3 year old cousin knows how to switch on a laptop and also knows that he can play online games thanks to the search option in google. He knows how to use a cell phone, especially the ones with camera. St this early he is adept in taking snaps with the same. On the other hand I got my first handset at the age of 20 and I happen to own the camera phone much later. I am marveled at the pace with which technology is seeping through the younger generation. I may not be a historian or a wise aged, but I still treat this particular pace with much skepticism. Do not ask me why.

Ideals decorate books, not life

2007-11-21T20:56:00.000+05:30

Falling into those myriads of thoughts,

I take my chance, not to contemplate the things I did,

But turn around and see how different it could’ve been done.

It is not about the accomplishments that I made,

It is rather the things I did not do that hurts.

Those times when I could have lived a better son,

The times I could have acted a better brother,

If not a better friend, at least a better acquaintance.

The opportunities I let go with the one I loved,

Everything hurts, and if only I could do something about it.

If only I could go back into time,

Not to undo the mistakes I did, for mistakes are never undone,

But to have thought on their behalf, and to have acted with little more wisdom.

I never could identify myself with anyone,

Not anyone I met, not anyone I heard about,

Not a single character I read about could reach me at all,

And then I met him, and I felt something within,

Howard Roark, he epitomised what I wanted from life.

You could call me foolish, for I was living in fool’s paradise,

For everything I believed in was in its idealistic form,

And now I know where I went wrong, for ideals decorate only books,

Not reality.

Now I am strewn between the life I once knew, the life I once cherished,

And the awakening within, that has shown me what life truly is.

I feel like a kid, awestruck by the magnanimity of life,

For nothing I saw or heard come close to the dawn of realisation,

That I just had.

That life is not about ideals, nor about principles,

It is about living, cherishing, smiling and giving.

I sure may have a hard time living up to it,

Yet I hope I do not give up this effort,

Life is only one, and living it is a lifetime.

Rahul goes scuba diving

2007-11-07T22:27:00.000+05:30

Year 1993

My uncle is coming. Though by relation the person I was going to meet for the first time is my uncle, he was more like a brother to me. An age difference of about 6 years tops and I am supposed to call him arun ettan. At least at that age only people with moustache are considered for the place of uncle. Anyways, I am meeting this particular person for the first time in my life. How weird aint it, am meeting my uncle/brother for the first time at the age of around 8-9. Maybe it is the innocence of the kids at that age or maybe it is something else, but there was an instant bond between him and me. He is visiting my native for the first time I believe for he’s completely consumed by the beauty and pristine nature of the small town village. Having stayed in this small town village for most of my short life, I voluntarily took the job of guide with much pride. I had shown them around the first thottam, filled with coconut trees, palm trees, banana plants, mango trees and so on. There is the large kullam (pond), which I am forbidden to go to. So I leave it there and take them around to show the fields full of paddy cultivation, which is another tough task for the paddy area was quite large at that time. We have to cross the paddy field to reach the next thottam, with another set of trees and plants that give us fruits and also money. But before entering this particular place, there is another kullam(pond), that acts as the reservoir for the crops and also the trees. On seeing this pond, my uncle/bro gets a whacky thought, he wants to know how deep the pond is. We did not have the latest technology with which we could measure the depth, but we did have one equipment of use. ME…..o yeah….i knew how tall I was. And so, if I am submerged till my neck and my feet touch the ground, then we would know how much the depth is to the near approximation. My uncle could not go down as he did not know swimming and I could not hold him. So it was up to me to take up the challenge, after all my guests should have a great time here don’t they. And please do not think I knew swimming at that time. So m uncle lowers me down to the inner depths of the pond. Slip!!! Nothing serious, my uncles unfortunately lets go of me, not that I blame him. There is a limit for him to hold with his hand, and I was quite heavy at that time. I do not know what took over me at that time, may be it is the struggle of life and death that I kept hitting the water so hard that I kept bouncing around. At last my uncle gets hold of those tiny hands of mine, and call it a miracle for he was able to pull me out this time around. Alas, am I lucky or what? I cant tell m homies about this can i? so what do I do? Sneak up to my room, change my cloths and present myself to m parents. Until this very day, I believe nobody has got the slightest clue about the whole incident.

Rahul goes shopping

2007-10-27T14:30:00.000+05:30

Year 1991

“Rahul!!! Go get me some sugar from the nearby shop” shouts my mom from the kitchen. “Why cant you go get it?” I retort. Not that I did not want to, it was just that never really bought anything on my own till that day. I was filled with more of trepidation than laziness. My mom was already having a bad day, and I knew there was no use haggling with her over the issue. So off I go, holding on tight to a one rupee coin in my sweaty palm, and ambulating gingerly along the familiar road to that nearest shop. Mind you, I being a keralite, and having started to live in the suburbs of Madras, now Chennai, I was not well versed with the language of Tamil.

I reach the shop, and I struggle to be seen by the shopkeeper, for unlike now I was really small then. I stand on my toes and stretch ahead and finally manage to catch the eye of the shop keeper, and manage a meek “ ara kilo chakkara thange”, give me half a kilo of sugar. Though I was not too good with math during that time, I knew that I was supp to get twenty paise in return for one kg of sugar cost 1.5 rupees, besides mom had told me I would get that much in return. I handed him the money and was waiting eagerly to get the balance, for I had almost finished my first transaction, or let us call shopping. That was when the most dreadful thing happened, the shopkeeper the gave the money that I had given to him to the person standing next to me. “How dare he give away my money to this stranger?” I wondered, and before I realised, I was screaming at the top of my voice “ath ennote rupa, ennote rupa”, that is my one rupee, my one rupee. I did not know what took hold of me that day, but I sure know I made a big fuss out of it. “shari pa, ithu vanthu nee kodutha oru rupa than, aana evangalode balance, purinjko kanna”, yes the money was given by you, but this is now the balance of this gentleman, the shopkeeper was trying to make me understand. But no matter what, I was not ready to let go of the money I had given. I was on the verge of tears when I snatched the one rupee coin from the gentle man besides me and ran home, not buying the sugar or not caring to what those people had to say. On reaching home, with watery eyes, and after having recited the whole episode to the best of my abilities in the most animated of ways, I was expecting my mom to pat me on my back and say “well done son”. But instead, I threw her into a fit of laughter.

TECH AGE OF LAZINESS

2007-09-03T18:42:00.000+05:30

I came home after the day’s work, and how I wish I could say I was tired but I wasn’t, I switch on the television and found that there is a Robert de Niro movie on Star Movies. I, being a huge fan of this guy, wanted to know which the movie was and when it had begun. All I have to do is go to my bedroom, look in the newspaper that I had read this morning and come back to my chair, or even take the newspaper along with me to the chair and go through it while enjoying the movie. All in all a one minute job at the max and a walk of 20 feet. But what do I do? I take my N70, which has got GPRS, and with which I can browse the internet (of which am particularly proud of), and try to log into the site of Star Movies. There I find my first impediment, there is no site as www.starmovies.co.in and I do not know the actual site. Now I log on to google and search for star movies, and that gave me quite some results of which I chose one. I then found that I have to log in to the site to access the programme guide, and after about five minutes of meticulous search I finally find that the movie is called MIDNIGHT RUN and I had already missed the better half of it. And now here I sit recalling the whole thing, onto my laptop, and where was my laptop? Right next to the newspaper on the bed.

What goes one way, comes back to you the other way,…..he he he…..

tag game continued

2007-09-01T09:51:00.000+05:30

Oh! Finally I did it. my sweet friend SARITHA had like tagged me long long ago and I had promised her to continue the chain, but as luck would have it I soon forgot and when ever I did remember I got too lazy to write and whenever I was ready to write, I was too busy to write. So all in all, I didn’t tag anyone. The things to be done are

Mention the person who’s tagged me :which I did in caps and bold letters.
Write the 5ht paragraph from the 123^rd page of the book that am reading. And if I didn’t have tat page, then the last page of the book and if I didn’t have that paragraph then the last paragraph. Unluckily for me I had that page and that paragraph. So guys who would be tagged by me, beware!!!
Tag 5 other people

v Already mentioned SARITHA’s name.

v It may seem strange, and it may in fact be impossible for anyone else to understand, but until that very moment I had no real comprehension of the wrong I’d done, and the life I’d lost. While I’d committed the armed robberies, I was on drugs, addicted to heroin. An opiate fog had settled over everything that I thought and did and even remembered about that time. Afterwards, during the trial and the three years in prison, I was sober and clear headed, and I should’ve known then what the crimes and punishments meant, for myself and my family and the people I’d robbed at the point of a gun. But I didn’t know or feel anything of it then, I was too busy being punished, and feeling punished, to put my heart around it. Even with the escape from prison, and the flight, running and hiding as a wanted man, a hunted man with a price on my head – even then, there was no final, clear, encompassing grasp of the acts and the consequences that made up the new, bitter story of my life.

v Jayadevan

Nikhil

Neha

Deepak

love

Women spaces- the only answer to harrasment?

2007-08-06T09:16:00.001+05:30

I came across this article in Hindu, with the same title as the one given above. The articles talks about giving women a space for themselves as the only way to reduce sexual harassment. It comes up with the ideas of women only cabs, women only trains, women only floors in hotels and so on in different parts of the world. But how effective are these?

India have also got the same provisions. There are ladies only car in trains, there are taxis for women in metros like Bombay and yet the harassment and eve teasing has not dipped even for the sake of it. Only recently was there a report about a small girl who was hospitalised after being chased by a gang of men in Bombay. What does that mean? Is the path to the future actually taking u back to the stone age behaviour? Am sure the men during that time would have treated women with more respect than what is being shown now.

I may not be well versed with the ways of the world, and i certainly am not a feminist, but my heart certainly goes out for the women community for the chauvinism shown to them by the a minority of the male community. Education was supposed to bridge the gap between the opposite sex, but the same is found to have been a failure in this endeavour. Not just in India, but every where.

Education, "the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life", has lost it's soul purpose in the course of time. It is only a means to get ahead in life, it has become a selfish act rather than a selfless act.

What many of the men lack is the ability to respect women for what they are, to have a lady stand up tall and yet be happy for her. By respect i do not mean the respect shown for your mother or your elder sister, but towards everyone in the opposite sex irrespective of age, occupation and the likes, to accept the individuals as they are. All the mistreatment unleashed upon women is only a way to vent a guy's frustration, a way to regain control over the females, a control they never had in the first place to begin with.

Once you start respecting others, then it is not possible for you to hurt them. once you start accepting others as one among you, it's hard for you to mistreat them. If males can be friends with others of the same sex in spite of the various back grounds they hail from, in spite of the different behavioral traits, in spite of different characters, then why cant we open up to the females? Why cant we treat them as one among equals, why cant we show them respect, grace, love? Why cant we enjoy life along side them rather than over them? Why should we be skeptical about them?

Woman is one of the greatest treasure than god has created for men to lead a happy life. It's true that they bring sadness but you can never be complete unless you have the shade of a female on you. I would like to end this with the words of a person i met once,...

"Girls are like clay, they can be moulded into any which way a guy wants. The only question to be answered is how we want to handle it. Should we handle it with care, love, tenderness and make a great model or should we treat them with chauvinism, power and cruelty and break it at an early stage".

Courage

2007-08-06T09:09:00.000+05:30

"One of the greatest ironies of courage, and the reason why we prize it so highly, is that we it easier to be brave for someone else than we do for ourselves"

These are the words from the book Santaram. Unlike the many words that i have come across in the many book s that i have read, these words spoke to me for some odd reasons. When i thought or contemplated the gravity of the words, i realised that these are true for almost every individual living on the planet earth. I have been there too, showing courage for someone i had loved when i could not have shown the same courage for myself.

I do not want to think too much about the same, i do not want to violate the sanctity of these words by putting up my own thoughts, let these words remain the way it is, speaking for all the romantics in the world.

Nightmarish run

2007-07-24T20:08:00.000+05:30

Journey between the two worlds is not possible, at least not physically, but I am saying that it is possible. I just travelled from one end of the world to the other, from this world to the other, and that too in the shortest span of time, yet am not done.

Lucky are those who fall in love, they feel smug about it, they have the sweetest smile on their face. Luckier are those who get to be loved by the same person they love, they are on cloud number nine. Luckiest are those who know who they would be spending rest of their life with, nothing can make them sad.

There is nothing as not being lucky, everything come under being the unluckiest, and the greatest in being unluckiest is to love someone, to be loved by the same someone, to have envisioned a life with him/her, and then realise that dreams and envisions do not come true in real life.

I was lucky, then I got luckier, then I got luckiest, that too not so long ago. Just last night was I the epitome of happiness, and today I find myself at the opposite end of happiness.

But hey,….when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Or else,…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
replace this someone with a new someone, lol…..that’s life dear. So don’t sulk over anything, just be happy, enjoy life, and never find someone, always find more than one…

bengaluru,....only kannada audhu

2007-07-21T21:48:00.000+05:30

I was in Bangalore the other day for a land registration formality. Though it ought to have been a serious affair, it turned out to be really funny. For starters, unlike what everyone assumes, english is not a language that people are familiar with in bengaluru. Nor are they familiar with hindi, and tamil is like anathema for them thanks to the Cauvery situation. To make the situation worse, the above mentioned languages are the only ones that my mom, my uncle who accompanied us for the registration, and i knew. We had to go through our agent to get all the forms filled ad the deed signed, and as luck would have it our agent was a kannadika, in short he spoke only kannada.

My uncle and i tried our level best to communicate with him in all the languages we knew, and also with the aid of drawings in the air, but to no effect. For everything that we said the answer or reply was the same, "audhu" meaning yes, irrespective of whether they understood us or we understood them. Finally after much difficulty, the formalities were almost over and all we had to do was sign the papers at all the required spaces. But how is one to know which are the required spaces if he's to see the myriad of forms for the 1st time. So again we had to trust the agent, who pointed us to many different spaces to put down our signature and that is when i realised even he did not know the exact spaces. He had even asked us to sign at the Sub-registrar's column. I was lucky enough to notice it and avoid putting my mark there. Finally after 2hours of charade, we finally belled the procedures and came back home.

It was only later that i came to know about the plight of many non-kannada speaking people who had to confront with audhu at all the unlikely places. Besides i also came to know that on asking directions to any place, the standard well versed answer would be straighto, dead endo, righto (go straight and take right on reaching dead end), irrespective of where the real place is.

All i can say is may god save all those souls which take refuge in Bengaluru,.....long live kannada,....

Stupidity called love.

2007-07-13T22:51:00.000+05:30

"You can always start loving someone, but you can never stop," it's a fact of life. Yet nobody realises that what so ever. The worst time one faces is when one confronts a break up. Words fly out of your mouth like arrows. The only thought one has during that time is to hurt that one person he/she loved so much. But why?? Nobody ever made any mistakes intentionally. Things just happened in the relation inadvertently. As the person you are trying to hurt is someone so close to your heart, is someone who you know so well, hurting the same person is an easy task. You know when to put down your fingers at the right areas. Nobody realises the irrepairable damage that one has caused in that process. But what one fails to see is that it's not hate that is prompting you to say all this, but it's just another face of love. One that nobody notices, one that nobody wants to look at.

But let me ask you something, imagine that both parties have moved on with their life, but still keep in touch with each other. All the hatred that you thought you had have subsided and all that is left is the good memories you both got. What does that leave you with then?? Just love and nothing else is it not? The guy still feels jealous of the the girl's present boy friend, the girl will always hate to see that guy with another girl. Yet they both avoid to see this.

Coming back to that damage i was talking about,...the reason why is is not repairable is cuz you would never want to get back with that girl or guy even though you love her/him so much so much. At times it is just guilt for having put that person through so much pain, sometimes is the thought that the person deserves so much better that what you are, sometimes it is just the feeling you have that it could never work out well. One can give many arguments for his actions, but that does not change the fact that you will always love that person.

On the other hand there are people who face this impediment with the right spirit and overcome it. They would have succumbed to love when they see it, for they know how to tackle the difficulties. They have been there, they have achieved the wisdom in love, they have felt the power of love. Only they will know what it is that i am talking about, and the others will just keep guessing what am getting at.

TMS - the journey II

2007-07-10T07:19:00.002+05:30

i was standing at THEKKINKAD MAIDAN, the venue of the show and saw all my dreams and aspirations breaking into a zillion pieces. the time was about4pm in the evening and the show was to begin the next day at11am. why my dreams shattered?? the structure was not ready yet. there was to be a tent of 20,000 sq feet and 2 dome structures of 5,000 sq feet each. and what did i have then? 1dome structure partially made, and the patch work of tent still in motion. if i could have afford to cry, i would have. but what i saw around simply instilled in me all the confidence i needed. my friends were all over the place, working in hundreds, helping the so called builders to finish the work in time. a bunch of us were rolling the carpet on the floor(aint an easy task as we had to cover more than 20,000 sq feet), few others were working on the partition for various stalls. the vehicles started coming in by 6pm and we could not let them in at that point of time. so we started pleading to them to wait for some more time outside the tent. that when i heard a shout saying that the cloth for the partition work is over and we needed more of that, and by the time a person was sent to fetch cloth came the next shout demanding for more carpets. so we decided to confront the building contractor and ask for explanation and we had to give up for he made it sure that he cant keep his word. the carpets would arrive within an hour he said, ans so we had to wait. the hour stretched to two long hours before we got angry. the partition work was going smoothly and i was damn happy to see my friends helping out where ever they could. by this time the work for the second dome had commenced and it was our gang that showed more vigour and zeal than the workers. we helped them fix the structure, we dug holes, we cleared the ground, we helped them mount the structures, there were five of them of which two were up, when again the shout for more carpets came. finally few of us set about for the next haggling session with the dumb contractor, who clearly was not so good at communicating for his tongue was a little too big for his mouth(no offense) and we could only understand half the things he said. finally he asked for an hours time and he gave it to him, had no other option.

by this time the vehicles that had come by were all ushered in, and few of them were taken to their respective stalls. there was a small rift around that time among us itself. aravind and team was give the charge of getting all the dealers and they had done a great job at that. having said that they gave away a free stall to one particular company. had it happened when we were trying to fill the stalls for the sake of filling, we would not have mind it, but the situation was so that people were coming to us asking for space and we did not have any. a little later it was time for us to raise the next set of structures and were in the process of raising the third one when it snapped. now looking back it certainly seems funny, at that instance it was pure horror. we did not know what to do and we turned around to face the contractor with rage so unpredictable, when he said he would fix it nonchalantly, that our anger subsided for a minute. we had to trust him again. on the other side, the interior of the other dome was being worked on. just one guy doing all the work, hanging on to ropes and wooden blocks like spider man. even he was taking his time at what he was doing. seems like i was in a place where time did not have any value.
it was on this day, around the time of sunset, that we decided that we need a board up front stating the name THRISSUR MOTOR SHOW. we sent few students to take care of that(you gotto know that in about 15hours tha show would begin). the carpets finally arrived and we again resumed the work on the floor. few dealers had come and decorated their stalls the way they liked it. at around 12 in the night i asked maxi to sleep for he had to be on stage in the morning during inauguration.

around the same time few of my junior batch students also called it a night, and took for themselves what ever space they could find. they slept peacefully, they deserved it. it was a tough days work. the working mens group was left with around 20 odd students now. the core group in our batch, and our support nitesh and gang. we kept working through the night, with countless number of teas and cigarettes shared among us. finally at around 6 in the morning , the skeleton of the 2nd dome was also ready. that when a friend of mine came shouting with a newspaper in his hand. today was the day when mathrubhumi said a page would be dedicated to TMS. we all looked at it eagerly, like this is what we have been working for. another cup of tea and another cigarette and we were ready for more work, when finally a branch mate came by in his car and looked up at the structure and commented "oh, it is not ready yet eh? i could not be here yesterday, i was on a tour." he was lucky that i was being addressed by him, had it been anyone else, he would have been a dead man. around 8am the covers were put over the second structure and interior of 1st dome was done. the name board was brought(only problem that we could not put it up for it was too big for just one dome). two of our professors came by to inspect the settings, and i told myself that i was a dead man. but i guess they were also in my shoes once for they understood and that gesture gave us immense impetus to go on. by 900 everything was set, we had decided to start of with one dome and all the attractions which were to be shared by the two domes were put in just one dome. then i was asked to freshen up and come, for i had to appear on stage for a brief period of time. i had not slept for over a 24 hours now and all the hard work had taken its toll. i did not think i could move on, but when i saw my friends of last night still working their arses off, i was given that extra energy to move on. finally after a shower and a decent attire, i was ready for my duty. by the time i returned my friends had made a makeshift ticket counter also. it was then that there was a ruckus about the order of names on the agenda, i was given a hearty dosage of one of my professor's mind and i almost succumbed to it, but fortunately i sent someone to fix it at the right time. the show was finally inaugurated after an hour's delay, and after all the speeches and photo session, i finally got out of the tent by 12pm. what i saw was the most memorable thing in my life. people were flocking like anything to witness the show. it was immaterial that we still had one dome to finish, it was immaterial that the stalls were yet to be filled, it was immaterial that i had to put up with the contractor, it was immaterial that i had not slept in 30 hours,...everything was immaterial. all that mattered was what i so, the eagerness on he hundreds of faces to be there. all the hardship that my friends and i had gone through to organize this had finally payed up. in simple words, i could not hold on, i welled up and broke down on my knees and cried my heart out. the first time i realized what tears of joy was. the best moment in my entire life till now.

i want to thank everyone associated with that event for giving me what nobody else could have given me. steents the amazing chap resposible for all the designs that rolled out, aravind and gang for their work, sandeep for taking care of the media, ajesh for the publicity, saji and gang for taking care of banks and schools, sandeep (psycho) for that air show, tarun for the website, cherian and gang for the attractions, anwar for all the documentation, manoj for canvasing and spreding mech spirit, niranjan for sponsorship and support, sam for the shear support he gave me, jess and team for taking care of momentum, jess for the support he gave me, maxi i cant thank you( you and i never did any work),ben for taking care of finance, sarath and gang for taking care of tickets, byju for the documents again, nitesh and gang for giving us a hand in everything, above all the day prior to the show, all my batch mates for chipping in at the right time, all my juniors for their help and support....my professors CP, KK, HOD and KKR and Samad for their support, to our principal(Prof Rani Thomas) for giving us an opportunity to prove her wrong and convince everyone that we still are the backbone of the college. also a special mention of subin who unfortunately broke his leg while working for the show and still wanted to remain at the site to enjoy and experience the show,....hats off to you mate.

i salute you all, with respect, happiness and joy.

Thrissur Motor Show 05- It's origin

2007-07-08T06:50:00.000+05:30

it has been a year since i walked out of that wonderful world called college, and when i look back into those pages of my life, it's filled with memories that i know would never go away. people who have read my blogs may start thinking i was thinking about my first crush, my first real love and the likes, but as much as i loved all these things, the one thing that remains high in my heart and mind is MECH-SPIRIT. i do not know much about the origin of this term, or i do not know how well known the term is among other graduates, the only thing that i know is that it kept me going till the very end and the one event that will stay as the best in college days would be my Motor Show,..Oooooops, our Motor Show.
i was in my fourth semester, when for the first time i almost understood the meaning of Motor Show. it was much more that just an event for us. it's the continuation of a war that was waged long ago between mechanical engineering students and the rest of the college. i never really understood the cause or reason for this rift, and i never really saw it myself until later in my college life. unlike what the majority thought, we were never that different. we were also a part of the college, we were also from the same background as others, we also had dreams and aspiration while we enrolled in the college. what then is the difference that others see in us??? maybe it's the unity that we had in the class and the department, or may be it's our attitude and belief in ourselves that none could break, or maybe it's the mere fact that we would not fall into line out of compulsion and we had our own ideologies and cant really bow in front of anyone unless he has that special quality that ought be respected.
The Motor Show that year was not as big a hit as we had expected it, but it sure had one advantage. few like minded people came together, and stayed that way after that. few of them were my super seniors, dindu, anaz, krishnan, prakash, rahul and few of them were my juniors, nitesh and gang(as they're popularly known). it was in this comradeship that i understood mech-spirit, how we are always seen with loath full eyes, how everyone dreamt of dominating us. i came to know that we had to fight back with an unknown enemy, and my whole world changed in those few days. the one plus point of being a mechanical engineering student is that you really cant trust anyone, especially ones with mech-spirit is instilled in them. you start seeing everyone with suspicion, for anyone could stab you from behind. the only solace i found was in the company of other mechans, who also saw the world as i did, who also saw the invisible. Right after Motor Show 04. we decided to make the next edition to be bigger and better. for me, it was a tribute to dindu, rahul, anaz, krishnan and prakash. and also to vijay(kochu) and our gang(not that it had anything to do with mech, but that gang was something in front of which you would want to bow down).
being frank, we started planning for TMS05 like a year before the show. any event or organisation has its core group. we had to find that group first. we did not go for students who had contacts or money or anything, we went for a group which consisted of guys who believed in themselves, who believed in the spirit they carried, who wanted to make a difference, who wanted to be the beacon in that war i had mentioned earlier. we kept planning and planning and planning, but nothing happened. after 6months of careful planning we realized we had reached no where, and so went to our professors for help and guidance. we had to convince them about the plan and that the endeavor would not turn out to be a disaster. after having planned the thing for 6months, we knew that logic would ask us to quit the project.
we wanted our event to be the first in that academic year, but production guys already made plans for pinnacle and later came on the news that electrical engineers were planning to have their event before us. everyone had declared a war against us, and i am not kidding. while every department were having one project each, we were lobbying for three events, TMS, momentum (the techie thing) and Rithu (the cultural programme). as luck would have it, the college union was lobbying to conduct a cultural program inside campus(college union is our biggest well-wisher, of course after bashing us up every year, and we do have a very symbiotic relationship were we talk and smile freely with them and yet know that they want to stab us any day). they had blocked our every path to have Rithu, and they hit the right areas, for many of my fellow mechans wanted Rithu more than anything. when we finally faced the reality that Rithu is not happening, i was sure that the crowd i had with me was smaller than what it was. but when i looked to my left and right i saw those familiar faces which formed the core group. they knew what i was thinking, gave me the smile saying everything will be alright. i believed the faith they had in us. the unknown forces may have won the battle, but i knew we were there to win the war.

it was more of an open war now, and yet a battle of minds. civil students had their show a week prior to ours, with same magnanimity, at the same venue, with the same structure. we had to come to an alliance with them due to economical reasons, and also because either we both can have it or no one can have it. so we had to go for it. computer science students had their show on the same days as ours, and the union cultural program about two weeks before ours. what ever maybe said and done, ours was the most expensive show, the budget crossing the 6lacks mark, and the bank balance when we started off was a little more than zero. every student in the department was asked to chip in for us to start off, and most of them did, and thus we started rolling. every aspect of the show was delegated and i had to watch over every one off them(i was the chief coordinator). i was not a happy man, two weeks to go for the show and majority of the stalls were empty, we weren't getting any sponsorship, we could not reach our target. yet every one of us kept going. it was during this time that nitesh and gang joined us, they had their exams going on, and the were on the roll. they wanted to make up for the days they had missed. a new wave of energy and optimism filled the camp. yet nothing happened. we ever facing a dead end. that was when the miracle actually happened. we got a call from Malayala Manorama, asking if we want them to publish an article about TMS. we were trying for the same for a week now and now they were approaching us. nothing could take it's place as the best thing to happen. the day after the article was out Mathrubhumi decided to dedicate one full page for TMS and it would be out the day TMS was supposed to open for the public. The stalls were slowly filling up. Mathrubhumi also sponsored our posters(10,000 in nos). and we just had one more week to go. we got the flux sponsored by Tata Indicom and i remember the night when benjose, maxi, niranjan and i spent the whole night making sure it was seen at various points in the city. my fellow mechans were sweeping the city for banners and poster that could be hung in the tent. nitech and gang was still doing the job they were asked to. cherian was looking after the attractions, aravind was still working on the dealers, sakshi on modified bikes, sandeep(psycho) on the star attraction of air show, and every night we went out with posters to cover every nook and corner of the city. i remember one particular wall opposite Kalyan, where my fellow students would have stuck close to 300 posters side by side. it was one seen to be seen and cherished. not a soul passing by would have missed the view.finally the dream that everyone had was taking shape. did not know what kind of shape it was or anything, but it was taking shape. Manoj was still working on instilling the mech spirit in all the juniors and pushing them to work, ajesh still working on the publicity.
the civil already had their program, it was a huge hit. it bothered us. something to do with ego i guess. their program was good, really good in fact, but turned out to be a little on the boring side(no offense). the settings were good, and they sure made money like crazy. the union had their program, it was a disappointment, but as we were also a part of the college, we enjoyed ourselves during the show. the electrical guys' program had to be re-schedule. that was also good. we did not care about what computer guys were doing. the count down had begun and more day to go. everyone was having the sweet smile for reaching were we reached. we finally knew that everything would be alright. and i went to the venue. what i saw there actually pushed me back a month or so, when i was down and i wasn't sure if we could do it or not.i was standing at the place which was so near to our destination, and yet so far........

the indian education rift

2007-07-06T23:49:00.000+05:30

i wrote this piece a year back,...but i was not one of those bloggers then,...but now tat i do have this piece, i thot y not publish it,....

privileged becomes underprivileged

The arrogance shown by the UPA government in implementing 27%quota for OBC in indeed a sad story. The medical students' o AIIMS continuing their hunger strike is worse, especially now that all hopes have faded and government is giving deaf ears to thousands of students. What the agitating students should realize is that the government is now a 2yr old child and can only think and act like one.

The bill on reservation was passed in the parliament after independence and DR Ambedkar had made it clear that it should be repealed after 50yrs. Now, even after 60yrs, nothing has changed. The underprivileged are now the privileged enjoying quotas and reservations right from the moment he/she is born.

Seats are reserved for them in central and state schools, yes primary education is everyone's birth right. Free secondary education is also given to the same underprivileged irrespective of the marks, when thousands of students securing over 90%marks were thrown out of these central institutes saying that they can still study in other private schools. What if a student of general category is from a poor background? What if the so called underprivileged were financially secure? Is that what DR Ambedkar and Chacha Nehru wanted in India??

Now a student of engineering, I vividly remember what a nightmare my Std 12 was, round the clock training for the entrance exams, constant tuition calls, and those sleepless nights during my exams. It was hard work and it paid off well, as I secured a score good enough to get an admission in a premier institute in my state. I am now studying in a class, with half the seats reserved for SC/ST/OBC, i.e., students standing thousands of ranks behind me. I wonder why I went through all the trouble to get this seat, when all I wanted was an SC/ST/OBC certificate. Why did my life, and also of thousands of general category students, have to go through hell, when the underprivileged were complacent enough to do badly in the exams and still get away with all privileges.

In college, not only are the reserved category given free education, but also get to pocket handful of money in the name of stipend. Their hostel fees and mess fees are also lifted. Does the government ever care to look into the background of these students? If they did, they would find businessmen, politicians, IPS and IAS officers, as their parents. Government is investing crores of rupees on these reserved seats. Do they ever check how this investment is utilized? An alarmingly major chunk of the investments is being thrown into the water, with these students registering back-logs, arrears and also encountering year outs, where you lose a year. They still don't bat an eyelid, why??? Because there is reservation for government jobs.

This viscous circle on India education has been eating off the heads of general category students for the past 60years and only a few chosen institutes had closed the door on quota. Now the government wants them to open this door to what can be termed as plague. The UPA government says that the standard of education will not go down the drain, WONT THEY??? The UPA government says that with reservation only will India develop, WILL WE??? If the underprivileged are given free secondary education along with the general category students, then why in gods name do they need reservation in colleges???

Maybe the government should now implement quotas for Cabinet Ministers, Prime Minister, and the President. Maybe the government should make reservations in India Cricket team, the athletic team, after all the underprivileged also need to make it in the international arena of games. May be I should have been born to an underprivileged family so that I could live a privileged life….

the amazing journeys

2007-07-05T07:26:00.000+05:30

i have been travelling an awful lot lately,especially from my work place to my hometown , and the distance i have to cover is well over 400kms. one may start thinking that 400kms is not that big a distance, with the ubiquitous low fare air travel or even the comfortable ac train compartments, but i take neither. i prefer the bus. dont worry, i am not talking about the kerala state government owned buses, which i certainly respect a lot (thanks to its age and condition and of course due to the probability of not reaching the destination in time). i am talking about the upcoming air bus and volvos which has got its service from almost every city to any other city. though the fares are almost 150% of the fares in trains, i, like many other working guys and gals, prefer it. not because it has got top of the world facility or comfort, but it just grows on you.

most of the time it's just a day prior to the journey that we decide to go home and that certainly is not the best time to go book a train ticket unless you like to stand the whole 10hours which makes up your journey. all we have to do is just take out our darling cells out of the pocket, check for the travel agent number and say our destination and date and wait back. the ticket would arrive at our door-steps. and for all those who think that there are more advantages, am really sorry for being a spoil sport, there isn't any. this ticket business is the only flip side to a bus journey.

among other things, we may not be boarding at the depot after all, and hence may end up waiting at the stop for more than an hour at times(there maybe some mishap at the origin station, like a guy may board the bus half hour late, or the driver may take his own time to finish of his beedi or Cigarette and may have to buy himself his pan at the last minute). we can be stern on the late comers, but i don't mind the drivers taking their time, for our life is in his hands and he has to gear himself for the long drive ahead, that too in the middle of the night. you may think am crazy, but trust me, my motto is "the more cigarette and pan a driver has, the safer it is to travel with him." staying awake through out a night is one thing and driving a giant at night is another, so hats off to you mate for what ever it is that you do to stay awake and take us to our destination. as for the sitting facility in the bus, i usually prefer the semi sleeper. not because i do not sleep, but because i am a little too tall for the beds in the sleeper buses. do not ever assume that tall people can sleep better in semi-sleeper, that too aint possible, but hey at least there would be a movie in semi-sleeper. and by movie i do not mean the latest hit or anything, it would be some good old mushy movie which i believe everyone in the bus would have seen an umpteen number of times. yet we try to sit gazing at the screen in the hope that we fall asleep during the movie and not care about anything else.

before i proceed, let me make it clear that even though the bus journey may sound so very attractive, people with weak bladders, please for your own sake, do not board a bus. how girls manage it is still beyond me. i myself make sure that there isn't a drop of liquid waiting to be thrown out before i board a bus (the surrounding is immaterial, when you have to go, you have to go isn't it not). now then, the real trouble starts when you fall asleep, you cant toss and turn in that small space given to you, so what do you do???the good old cuddling thing, irrespective of which stranger is sitting next to you, you go about cuddling with him/her. unlike our general perception, the person next seat wouldn't mind all the attention you are giving to them, and both of you can revel in the intimacy that you share. the highlight of the journey of course is the mid way stop, when guys with the weak bladder can run out and gush out. for others it's either tea time or for guys like me it's cigarette time and for the drivers it's more of energy building time(maybe a sip of that amazing drink they carry around, for another pinch of pan, or what not).

it's easy for people getting down at the last stop, but for the ones getting down in between there would only be one thought in their mind "are we there yet, are we there yet??". they loose their night's sleep pondering into the thought and when the stop finally arrives, they fall asleep only to be woken up by the guy who gives driver a company. i have once stayed awake for over an hour thinking am approaching my stop only to find out it did not, once i even took my luggage from the shelf thinking i reached my hometown only to realise that it' s still 3hours away. finally we reach our destination and what do we realise?? the journey was just about perfect......

what ever said and done,....the bus service rocks,.....

getting wet and getting high

2007-06-25T00:25:00.000+05:30

Rain rain go away little Johnny wants to play! The old rhyme, which any person wants to say out loud during a rainy day, for his own reasons of course, is familiar to everyone. But how true are we to ourselves when we curse the sudden downpour? Isn’t there a queer pleasure enjoyed by everyone who lashes out profanity at the rain to be in the rain? Just like the frogs that croak every time it rains, we also take pleasure in getting drenched in the rain don’t we?

When we leave our abode, with rain looming large over our head, we pray like never before that it doesn’t rain until we reach our destination. Yet a small part of us pulls us back on our prayers and wish that it does rain, and so hard at that that we are all transformed into a whole different surroundings. The first drop of that rain, hitting across our face maybe pain full, but everyone derives a sadistic pleasure in this pain lashed at him. The rain doesn’t just soak us with its water, but it also cleanses us of so many intangible feelings. It makes one forget our pains, it makes us overlook our troubles, it makes us forgive the foe, let be it for a moment, it makes us revel ourselves in the cold and wash away all the dirt that we carry. The rain brings along with it a sense of fresh cold breeze to our life, which can’t be found in the chilly stretches of Siberia or in the snow covered valley of Kashmir.

Walking in the rain, fully geared to protect yourself from its wrath, and yet wanting to submit yourself to the magnanimity to the rain, is something which every one would enjoy with utmost simplicity. Fighting the rain with an umbrella knowing that it is a futile exercise, and feeling the warmth when rain finally wins over your efforts with ease and hits on your face is pure paradise. The wind, trying to keep up with the worth of the rain and trying to disarm you, shows the intimacy and passion that exists between rain and wind. With every step that one takes forward, we are actually proclaiming the greatness of nature over mere humans like us. Taking the aid of a rain coat or a jacket is also equally pointless, though it may be an effort to challenge the supreme power, for we leave our face uncovered. We leave our face exposed to enjoy the rain in itself, to feel the rain when it descends over your face and brings that joy to your heart. The coat just acts as a second skin and you still feel the freshness in the rain drops, and that is in itself a way of bleak submission.

Watching the rain from a distance is another treat for your eyes. Not getting drenched what so ever, yet seeing the rain bring life to so many things around is something to be savoured and worshiped, not for anything splendid to be seen, but for the simplicity and limpidness of it. The smell of the first drop of rain on the dry earth, is something which makes a girl’s uterus skip a beat (could not resist the usage), and the site of the animals devouring the long awaited rain shows more passion than a two people in love in bed. The trees dancing to the tune of the rain brings a new lease of life to everyone watching it. It is as if the whole process is choreographed to perfection by a divine force that none notices. For a moment everyone feels that it is we who are dancing to the rhythm of the wind and not those trees. There exists an unaccountable envy in us for the trees.

i maybe talking about the whims and fancies of a small town guy, for the rain plays havoc in any metro thanks to the great work carried out by the governments, and the first words out of the mouth is F@$%d up rain man and that too with an accent. i am nobody to appeal to anyone, but maybe if possible try to enjoy the rain, try to be a part of it, with hands held out and trying to hold on to it as if there is no tomorrow. maybe you will start enjoying the simplicity of life also,....after all sanjay dutt made a change with his jadoo ke chabbi....

LOVE, does anyone believe in it in the purest and crudest form???

2007-06-21T08:55:00.000+05:30

Aren’t there instances in life when you fall in love with someone and start to believe that she could be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with,…love is justified as long as you know you are in love, but the moment you start hoping or wanting for more, love in itself loses its sanctity. But how many actually believe in forgoing everything one has for the sanctity of the love he believes in?? Everyone calls you a fool if you do that today. Even the girl you love would take side with OTHERS and push you down till you smell the raw earth.

I have always been captivated by the concept of love. I doth see love the way it’s picturised in a yash chopra or karan johar movie, even though the basic concept of love remains the same; Love is love, nothing can replace it. I do not believe that love happens only ones, or there is one person made for everyone of us (not possible especially with varying sex ratio). You fall in love when ever you are alone and want someone to escape this boredom with, you fall in love whenever you feel a big void in you, whenever you start to think that just comradeship isn’t sufficient any more,….you fall in love whenever you want, with who ever you want, and that is the beauty and yet sacrilege about love.

Falling in love doesn’t necessarily mean there has to be a relation between two people which needs to be watered like a young plant, with the water of the same love. Cant we just enjoy being in love with someone with out actually expecting anything in return?? Just being blissful about it??

I was heartbroken when a person I loved left me just like that, without even telling me that we were breaking up. It hurt me so bad that I resolved not to fall in love again until I was sure that a relationship would work out (my 1^st mistake). Then came this girl into my life, a very beautiful creature, who tried to understand me for what I was, who was patient enough for me to fall in love with her, and that takes a lot of guts in itself, but things changed when I fell in love with her. It did not last. I sat wondering why that happened when I was sure that I truly loved her and was ready to forgo everything for this love, and realised that the concept of love was very different for each of us. The difference? I was ready to forgo everything for love, I wasn’t ready to forgo everything for her. Call it my stupidity or my courage, but that’s what love is for me.

I do not expect anything when I am in love. I do not try too much to be with someone, neither do I expect someone to go to troubles to be with me. I do not ask her to do anything for me, for all that matters to me is love, isn’t it not. As long as I know that someone loves me, am happy. I do not care what she is doing, who she is having fun with, when she’ll be with me, nothing. Woh pyar ka ehsaas hi kafi hai, jeene ke liye. I also can’t for ones look at someone I love and say that you are mine, only mine. I can’t say that not because my love is not real, but because I consider myself lucky in the 1^st place to be a part of that person’s love, let alone owning her. If she brings so much joy to me, then it would be a crime on my part to not let her spread her joy among others. I do not believe that no one can love her more than I do, I can’t say that for there maybe someone who loves her even more. Just how am I supposed to know that? All I ever will know is that I love her, truly I do, and I would always love her. If she says that she can’t stay with me any longer, I can’t compel myself to stop her from going; not because I do not love her, but because there is a chance that someone better, someone more deserving, would be waiting for her love (my 2^nd or 3^rd mistake, believing that the person I love is so much more than myself, that I do not deserve her in any way).

I for one, do not know how to pamper someone I love, for isn’t love lot more than material things?? Isn’t it a basic understanding that we have within? And if we do understand what we mean by being in love, then why should one go to the troubles of showing it off in so ridiculous a way, by buying expensive gifts, by celebrating it in such blatant ways. Isn’t the time spent together in itself a celebration of sorts, doesn’t the memories being made in itself the greatest gift??? I have tried to show off my love and affection in such preposterous ways, but I never found pleasure in it. I’ve found the mundane things that I have done with her far dearer, than those superficial celebrating moments. The superficial things do have its flip side too though, the smile that a stupid expensive gift brings on her face which is worthless, but doesn’t it also show what you are worth??? In some ways you yourself are admitting that you are no good, so substituting it with gifts. The day one says am worthless without you, he has experienced love in the best way possible.

I am one person who has lost a person I loved more than once in life. Yet I do not have any complains, I was blissful about being in love, and it was imperative that I say this before I went ahead with my crap. I once had an argument with a person I loved, about love and relations. She said some things to which I did not retort; not because I could not justify myself, but because I did not want to justify myself, not to her. Where did justification come in love anyway? Her words hurt me beyond any description. But the words opened my eyes to the difference we had at the rudimentary level about love, that's when I realised she never understood how I loved her, how I worshipped her. I lost the girls I loved, not because I did not know about love, or because I failed to see the relationship, but because I worshipped both her and the love I had. There were people who were ready to offer the girls I loved much more than what I had to offer. They loved her much more than what I did (the girls made me believe that), and convinced me that they were more happy with them than I. All I knew was to love them in the purest way I knew, and that was never enough. I knew it, they did not. And as luck would have it, I was interpreted in bad light. I was never believed to have loved them in the first place. People give their life away for the sake of love; I just broke my heart for the sake of love. And that I believe is love in it’s most wholly way I knew.

sequels and prequels and sequels,....so where is the movie????

2007-06-04T21:46:00.000+05:30

here i was watching pirates of the Caribbean III for the second time. the first time i watched the movies with a friend of mine who had not seen the prequels and i had to give him the skeleton structure of the story before entering the theater. later on i found that he enjoyed the movie. the second time i watched the movie with a friend of mine who had already watched the prequels and was disappointed at the end of the movie for it did not offer anything that was offered in the previous edition. why this conflict??. now, why do the public have huge expectations about sequels of movies, especially movies that had touched their heart in some way or the other??? isn't the backbone of any movie the story in itself??? shouldn't the characters revolve around the plot rather than story revolving around the characters???
before i say more, let me tell you that pirates...1and2 were a fun movie, full of comedy. but by the way they ended the IInd part, one should have guessed that the story line is going change and the fun would be replaced by action and adventure. and what ultimately appears is a real pirate movie, the way it should have been made. the action is really good and graphics mind boggling, but what keeps you on the edge is that the movie is that it has got the very nuance of a pirate movie, betrayal, deceit, and name what you and you got it. yes it is a little confusing and one has to actually understand the basic structure of the story to enjoy the movie. it cannot be in any ways be compared to the prequel s they were only the build up to the ultimate fight between pirates and the other side. how can anyone expect to see humour when people are being killed or when the protagonist has to choose between his love and his dad, or when Capt Jack Sparrow himself is required to change from his usual humourous self into a real captain of a ship that has to enter the battle field. and yet many movie goers are complaining that the movie was not good...
movies is not a medium that should be enjoyed just for the fun part of it. it's time we come out of the thought that fun is the only way of enjoying something. a good movie is no longer seen for what the movie is worth or what the movie has to offer. it is only seen for the sake of having fun. no wonder great movies like The Queen or The Pianist or as a matter of fact even Namesake did not click at the box-office. these movies had something to think about in them, not fun alone. the movies that do work well these days are the ones with countless action sequence and mind boggling graphics. aren't anyone missing the movies of Martin Scorceses or Rob Reiner or Michael Mann, where stories are told so that people wake up to something new??? with the present state of cinema am pretty sure that there would not be anyone who appreciates the likes of Schindler's List or Raging Bull for they no longer come under the genre of fun movies.
coming back to the topic of Pirates III, i believe the public opinion aint doing an justice. For there was not even a single movie before that attempted what the crew of pirates attempted, that is give a story in three editions, where story is told the way it has to be told. one can claim that Rocky series or Ranbo series or even the native Munnabhai series did wonders at the box-office. but then i'd like to point out that they did not just say one story. Rocky and Rambo showcased different stories based on one character, Munnabhai just retained the humor and rolled out an entirely different story(the cast on the sequel was same as that in the first but with different character assigned). besides, Munnabhai was a hit as everyone expected something and what came out was something in the opposite direction as such. thus it was accepted.
what am trying to say here is that every movie should be treat as a different individual even it it's a sequel or prequel (we seriously cant say that sam is tom's son so should have all the traits of tom as that could be a preposterous concept). the minute we start seeing movie for the very nuance that is in store for us, we'll start forgetting to compare it with anything that we have seen before bearing any resemblance to this. and the minute we start doing that, sequels will no longer be a movie with expectations, it will only be a movie out there to be enjoed the way it has to be.

why one should know himself,........

2007-06-02T04:03:00.001+05:30

why is it that the many people are very much fixated on the idea that knowing oneself is the best possible way to know others, and if you have not met anyone like that, then you are welcome to take my position and see such specimen???isn't knowing oneself only the best way of knowing just yourself, with no strings attached what so ever???i believe knowing thyself is the best way of becoming complete in your own ways. again, one should know that nobody is ever right or wrong, we should always treat every single being as separate individual different from each other and with various needs and hence with his own right and his own wrong. and if u find two persons whose rights and wrongs coincide, then one knows that one of them is lying over his head.

knowing yourself is only the first step of attaining perfection, not that anyone could ever attain perfection as human mind is the most complex of things and it's beyond any living creature to understand it completely. even the doctors who have studied the human mind and emotions are at times, most of the time, bewildered by the complexity of the human mind. so understanding human mind completely is out of question for the laymen like you and i. so why am i saying all this now, that to to an audience that i don even know exists. the explanation is simple, i have understood me to the best of my ability and i like to express what i go through, and also because none of my friends have the time or energy to listen to the crap(as many call it) coming out of my mouth.

coming back to the topic of understanding thyself, do we really understand what we are???if you think that you do understand yourself well enough, then is there any negative emotion or nefarious need involved in it???if your reply to your own question is in the negative, then my friend, you have not understood anything about you. am saying this not because am entitled to say this or because i have the authority to preach about it, but because of the simple logic that human mind does not also think positively. the first and foremost task of our mind is to protect ourselves from the malice around. that in itself is a selfish act, which in no dictionary or no book, can be described as a positive feeling. here comes the distinction between what you know about yourself and what you do about this understanding. turning green when a close friend of yours chooses somebody else over you is a natural feeling to have, anyone and everyone should have it. but it is what you do about it that matters the most. you can turn violent at the very thought and go bonkers all over the place and hurt yourself and others in the process. but that doesn't necessarily pull you out of the predicament does it. it only aggravates it as you know that you have become jealous of something or someone(as mentioned here) and the only thing you can do about it i hurt everyone. but had you taken the time to think about what happened and why the initial thing happened, you could maybe, perhaps find the root cause. and once you know what led everyone into the fix, the negative emotion in itself would vanish. thus understanding alone isn't enough to make yourself better, accepting what you understood is the single most crucial part.

there are many people who have tried to understand the meaning of their existence, but have failed. it is not because they did not try to the best of their ability or because they gave up the effort of understanding. it is because they were not ready to accept what they saw in them. how many of you can accept, without trepidation, that they could also be wrong???that itself is the single most biggest example that we do not accept what we see. if you have accepted it, we would be happier as there would be a reason for everything that happens to us. we would reach a state when we could always see a flip side to the bad things happening to us. and so can make ourself a little more happier being.

yes, the more we understand and accept ourselves, the more we understand others also. but that should not be the reason why we should understand ourselves. the reason why am saying that we can understand others better is simple. the nature of human being, as i told you earlier is to be selfish. for us to accept something in others, one should have it in him first. so if we cant understand and accept ourselves first, how can we even imagine to accept others for what they are???

understanding oneself is also a coin with two sides. because the more you understand yourself, the more you leave behind the accepted standard procedures and formalities of living. you will be pitched against the majority who aren't ready to see themselves. here is what will happen if you have accepted yourself. you will first find reasons for everything, because you no longer have to ponder into knowing what you are. the more you start thinking about the reasons, the more adept you will get in finding the right solutions(from where you stand of course), and the emotionally challenged side that you always had disappears. not saying your emotions will go,just saying that the challenge it always had disappears. hence you can control your mind and thought in a far better way. this state, from where others stand, will be interpreted as you being cold or dead inside for they have not experienced the freedom that you are experiencing. you may lose the people you love or care about, and you may even wonder how to get back to the superfluous life you once had. but you cant do anything about it as the life that you left is far beneath you and your understanding would never let you enter it again. thus we reach back to square one, where we had nothing to begin with and experienced everything possible and yet wanting to go back on everything even though you know how high you stand above others.

this continues on and on,....few people try to re-enter into what ever life they had, others just wander off to who knows where. but in spite of having nothing valuable to themselves, the ones who wander away are the most complete men and women....

are the right things always the good things????

2007-06-02T00:28:00.000+05:30

here i am sitting so late into the night, which is so not me for various reasons. i maybe one of those rare guys who wants to sit late into the night, not just sit but live through the night, but have the compulsion to go to sleep at that fixed time no matter what. the more i think of the reason for the compulsion today for not sleeping, the more i enter the world of darkness. am not the normal person who sits and broods over the mundane failures, but am the person who thinks best when in the most adverse of conditions. now don't get the notion that i don't brood at all,....oh!i do, but only after taking the right decision and executing it no matter how painful it is to my soul and how destructive it is to the very existence of me.

doing the right thing is not completely about pleasing other human beings, but it's the only way of pleasing the very existence of thyself as a human being in this very cruel earth. the people you love and care about would also misinterpret this gesture of yours , but that does not mean that you are on the wrong path. as long as you know that you are treading the path you believe is true and would bring a smile upon the face of others, you are always on the right track. you would be wondering what is prompting me to write all this at this point of juncture when i got to be wondering why i haven slept yet, then maybe the answer is in the question itself. maybe it is the thought of the things i have done and want to forget in life and its dire consequences that is troubling me like never before.

i believe life is not about taking anything from anyone, but giving everything you have to others. the very meaning of your happiness may depend on the act of being selfless towards the people you love and adore in life. but many at times i find myself in a position when the ideologies and faith have been challenged by the very people who call themselves your friends and companions. i cant fight them as they wont heed to the simplicity of my nature and the beauty of my decisions, and so I'll most definitely lose the battle that i would never win even if i fought. so i bow out in front of them, which again is misinterpreted and end up being called a coward. thus i have come to the conclusion that trying to convince a person about what we believe in is as bad as not trying to convince a person what we believe in. if both the options open to a person is proved wrong, then what exactly is right and what exactly is wrong???

i doth want to spend the rest of my life as being called 'just a guy', because i, like everyone else, believe that i can do something in life, maybe make a profound impact on the life of others. the only way to make a difference in others' life is to show them the path of you believe in, but how often do you find people who want to see life through others' eyes???that brings me back to my biggest problem, that is if am not ready for a change, then how will others be ready for a change???? but of course there is a difference when it comes to the path that i've chosen, for i see the life through others' eyes.

at times i think the world is already too selfish a place to see what others are going through with their life. the world has left the point of no return and they just cant change even if they want to. that to make an impact on others as i want, i have to first become one of them, but am just too scared. for if the world is that bad a place, then i may forget myself and get too comfortable with the ways of this world. that the very existence of my faith and belief would be lost in these murky waters which i so loath. that would be a certain failure on my part, and i am not the person who wants to fail something that i want so bad and believe in. thus i have to fight a losing battle against the whole of the world, but atleast i would have the satisfaction of putting up a fight for what i believe is right, against what others believe is wrong.

at the end of all this what you find is not the girl you love, it is not the friends you trust, it's not the world you loath, but it's only you you find. the more you think of the things you have done in life because they were the right things, the more you will see yourself with clarity and lucidity....and at the end that's all that matters...so now that i have come that conclusion in the best possible way, to the best of my understanding,that what matters is what you are...i think i better sleep now,....after all, i do not have to please others,....the whole exercise of this writing is for me to arrive at a conclusion and i believe i have,.....