Prince to pauper

Rahul: till 2006

A Rayban eye gearà5000bucks, an N series at the beginning à 20,000 bucks, my canon digital camera à 27 grand, my sony dvd video camera à 36k. I was rich wasn’t I? Well, my dad was, not I. I am sure as hell that none of my friends’ father earned as much as my dad. Was I proud of it? Was I the spoiled brat? I sure was far from being proud of it, or being a spoiled brat. But if I recollect correctly I sure was one arrogant bastard. I did not act like the run of the mill prodigal son who wanted to stay at par with the latest gadget, I was not the kid who had a huge allowance every month. My mom never raised me as a rich kid. I was raised as the self sufficient normal middle class kid, who had almost everything he wanted to enjoy life. It was another thing that I did not want much, I was just happy getting what ever I had with me.

So why was I so arrogant? Or was I? Many people who had come across me would surely remember me as “that self centred arrogant asshole”, especially girls. Ultimately everything depend on what the opposite sex things right. I think I was arrogant about being me. I had everything I could possibly want, only problem is I never wanted anything. I had a great bunch of guys who I called friends. To an extent I thing it was also because I had a great girl friend then. Everything was just about perfect, wasn’t it? Almost close to it at least. Got a new dress during those festive seasons, or the old cloths of my uncles which I loved a lot, everyone simply loved me. I really did not care how I looked, I was just bloody handsome, or at least I assumed.

I always stayed ahead of others in the sprint of life. I literally stayed ahead of others, while walking, while talking. I always wanted to lead others. I have done that in school, I did that in college, I did that at home. I think everyone around me treated me with love and hatred at the same time. May be at some levels few people who I did not even know may have aspired to be in my shoes, who knows. Most of them just hated my guts, maybe I was a little out spoken, maybe I managed to be at the centre of attraction most of the times. I never asked for it, I just managed it some how or the other. Felt good. Who would not say it did not feel good if ya did everything that I said above?

To top it all I had a great family, cool parents actually. I could speak my mind where ever I wanted, to who ever I wanted to. I was given all the freedom to make my own decision right from the early days, and I was treated in a manner that I was asked for my opinion about things that mattered a lot. If only I had respected the life that I enjoyed.

Rahul: from 2007

Thank God, I already have a laptop, a digital camera, a video recorder, a cell phone. Rentà2grand, Petrolà 500 bucks, going homeà god it would cost me close to 1k, one of my relatives come down à buy something or treat another Rs.1000, sisters birthday à should I make it big or small (certainly big you moron, she’s your only sister), the debt I have to payback à over 1grand, I almost forgot the promise I made mom and myself about giving something to charity, will do it next month I guess. Eyegear? Fastrack à should I go for the 2k one or the 1000bucks one? Maybe I can save something and buy the 2k one next month. So what does that leave me with by the mid of the month? Another rs2000 bucks in my bank, and loads of prayers that nothing unexpected comes up for the next 15days, that my friends does not think of getting drunk, and I certainly have to ration my food at any cost. Hope I do not have to go see a doctor like last month, for that bugger made me poorer by 500 bucks and I certainly can’t afford it this month.

Then all of a sudden a close friend of mine calls, “Hey Rahul come to town, lets have coffee and catch up on the lost time,” disaster strikes at the worst possible time doesn’t it. Then you wish it was your other closer friend to whom you can tell the truth, “no girl, not now am broke”. If only life was that easy, that the people who knew the old me could realise that things have changed, that I’ve changed, for the better or for worse, who knows?

Instead of thinking which girl I would like to take out on a date, am worrying about making it to the next month, in other words about making the ends meet. Suddenly the arrogance that I once radiated is substituted by the aura of humbleness. I just hope it ain’t that visible with naked eyes. In fact I do not find time to be arrogant. I no longer have the liberty to decide on a restaurant depending on the décor or the service or the quality of the food, but forced to decide on the restaurant based on the change I got in my pocket. Suddenly my love for food, sweets, juices, life had changed. I find it rather weird you know. Suddenly I crave for something that I never wanted much in life, money. I was raised on the principle that money is not everything, it’s the root of evil. Now my thoughts are on how to make more money. Not to spend it extravagantly on the zillions of things that I do not want. But simply to stop being so fucking frugal.

My friends have money, my parents have money, then why don’t I ask them for a little help ones in a while. I have an explanation for that also, I have never asked for anything to anyone. A little too much of self esteem I guess. Besides, it is only hard to ask for something the first time. Once you get used to it, the second time would be so goddamn easy. I do not want to get used to it.

My dad used to say that he had a hard time coming up in life. He had worked for peanuts and that he did not want his kids to go through the same. But I have found a pleasure like nothing else in all the difficulties that I have gone through. I may not have been defeated by life, but am long way from winning it. And I am quite sure that I won’t give up anytime soon. Besides, I have found a part of my dad’s hardships in my hardships. I have learnt to respect life for what it is.

If someone asks me if I would go through all those hard times again, I would certainly accept it. Not for anything spectacular, but for the humane nature of life. For all the efforts that I have put to come to terms with the present, for the simple feeling of living life like a normal life.