Few facts

Why cant you see that I am the only one with you on this sinking ship. I am here not by chance, but cuz I chose to be here, for I know that i can steer us to safety.

Something i wrote a while ago

We always dream about that perfect girl,

With so much of passion and so much of adoration

I never had those dreams wherein I see the love of my life,

I never had any dejavu to identify my soul mate when I finally run into her,

Maybe because I do not believe in destiny,

Or because I know life is not all that easy.

I have, in my life, come across many girls,

Few of them very special to me,

Even fewer, I cherish,

And someone like you who I adore.

I do not remember the day you walked into my life,

I do remember the day I saw you, and you almost owned me then.

I wanted to know what you were like,

Hear more from you,

Talk to you, be it for few moments.

Those meaningless banter, describing your dreams,

The way your mind wanders along with the dreams; reflected in your eyes

Your hand working its way through the air to gesture the intensity of your words

The way you talk about yourself, with least bit of restrain.

The lips moving with so much of life and energy,

Those fingers working magic on the canvas of anyone's heart,

The way you do not work hard to impress others,

The way you sounded so serious, the last time I dreamt of you.

The way you try to be a lady in spite of the cheerfulness you show,

And end goofing around with such innocence.

The humbleness, yet the arrogance to live your life

The small dreams and aspiration you want to achieve at any cost

The bigger dreams you have and yet forgoing them.

The way you readily accept the reality.

The simplicity of life

The wide smile in accepting life

The trepidations in your heart regarding the future life

Yet the confidence in standing up to the life.

Everything amazes me

It makes you stand a little too far away from the myriad of girls.

It amazes me that you have not found anyone yet,

Or it is shocking that nobody has found you so far,

For you sparkle more than the diamonds I have seen in my life

It astounds me that even in you nonchalant talk about yourself,

I hear that call for someone.

I am not worth a treasure like you,

Yet I know what your real worth is.

All thanks to the so many mistakes in my life.

I do not know what I feel about you, how deeply I think about you

I know I adore you a lot,

I know I like you a lot,

I know I respect you a lot,

I know am not in love with you, but I sure could get used to that, this I know.

What I want is those few moments of yours,

Wherein you speak your mind so carelessly,

And I hear them like magic of sound

Hearing to those trepidations I mentioned,

And may be try a little to fix few problems.

When you feel about someone this way, you take that extra effort

Not to love, but to make life a little better for that person,

And expecting nothing more than a thank you, or maybe a smile, or maybe a grin

That's all I care, that's all I wished, when I thought so much about you

For you, If you ever happen to read it.....

I do not start my day thinking of you

Yet my everyday thoughts are so full of you

I do not end my day dreaming of you

Yet the only dreams I have are of you

In this place with so many girls

Who come in wonderful size and shape and looks

I no longer long to take a second look

Thence I yonder into this not so normal a change in me

Only to be hit by the strangest and the simple truth

That my eyes are at peace, only looking at you

The rendezvous with you, for me, is so natural a high

That I enter my surreal world with an ease so unsettling

Wherein I am at the liberty to speak my mind

If only to tell you I love you so.

Is this the love I was looking for? I know not the answer to thee

But I would spend a lifetime, if only trying;

To love you in the truest sense I know

Hear every unfinished dream you ever had

Understand the slightest of your movement so tender

Look deep into your eyes and read your thoughts

Comfort you at the worst of times

Hold your hand at the grimmest of hours

Show you the light at the darkest of hours, if only with a wasted torch

Make you smile at your lowest low

Stand by you and not speak a word, like a second shadow ever so close

And above all, getting to know you like no one before.

I am at loss for more words to say

That maybe I am truly in love with you

For the only way to put in words

Of how much I love you dearly

Is to say that I want to hit the bed night with you by my side

And wake up to a wonderful day with only you by my side

Day after day, night after night

For a day is not a day, and night not a night

If you are not there in it.

Truly

Rahul

Stupidity called love.

"You can always start loving someone, but you can never stop," it's a fact of life. Yet nobody realises that what so ever. The worst time one faces is when one confronts a break up. Words fly out of your mouth like arrows. The only thought one has during that time is to hurt that one person he/she loved so much. But why?? Nobody ever made any mistakes intentionally. Things just happened in the relation inadvertently. As the person you are trying to hurt is someone so close to your heart, is someone who you know so well, hurting the same person is an easy task. You know when to put down your fingers at the right areas. Nobody realises the irrepairable damage that one has caused in that process. But what one fails to see is that it's not hate that is prompting you to say all this, but it's just another face of love. One that nobody notices, one that nobody wants to look at.

But let me ask you something, imagine that both parties have moved on with their life, but still keep in touch with each other. All the hatred that you thought you had have subsided and all that is left is the good memories you both got. What does that leave you with then?? Just love and nothing else is it not? The guy still feels jealous of the the girl's present boy friend, the girl will always hate to see that guy with another girl. Yet they both avoid to see this.

Coming back to that damage i was talking about,...the reason why is is not repairable is cuz you would never want to get back with that girl or guy even though you love her/him so much so much. At times it is just guilt for having put that person through so much pain, sometimes is the thought that the person deserves so much better that what you are, sometimes it is just the feeling you have that it could never work out well. One can give many arguments for his actions, but that does not change the fact that you will always love that person.

On the other hand there are people who face this impediment with the right spirit and overcome it. They would have succumbed to love when they see it, for they know how to tackle the difficulties. They have been there, they have achieved the wisdom in love, they have felt the power of love. Only they will know what it is that i am talking about, and the others will just keep guessing what am getting at.

getting wet and getting high

Rain rain go away little Johnny wants to play! The old rhyme, which any person wants to say out loud during a rainy day, for his own reasons of course, is familiar to everyone. But how true are we to ourselves when we curse the sudden downpour? Isn’t there a queer pleasure enjoyed by everyone who lashes out profanity at the rain to be in the rain? Just like the frogs that croak every time it rains, we also take pleasure in getting drenched in the rain don’t we?

When we leave our abode, with rain looming large over our head, we pray like never before that it doesn’t rain until we reach our destination. Yet a small part of us pulls us back on our prayers and wish that it does rain, and so hard at that that we are all transformed into a whole different surroundings. The first drop of that rain, hitting across our face maybe pain full, but everyone derives a sadistic pleasure in this pain lashed at him. The rain doesn’t just soak us with its water, but it also cleanses us of so many intangible feelings. It makes one forget our pains, it makes us overlook our troubles, it makes us forgive the foe, let be it for a moment, it makes us revel ourselves in the cold and wash away all the dirt that we carry. The rain brings along with it a sense of fresh cold breeze to our life, which can’t be found in the chilly stretches of Siberia or in the snow covered valley of Kashmir.

Walking in the rain, fully geared to protect yourself from its wrath, and yet wanting to submit yourself to the magnanimity to the rain, is something which every one would enjoy with utmost simplicity. Fighting the rain with an umbrella knowing that it is a futile exercise, and feeling the warmth when rain finally wins over your efforts with ease and hits on your face is pure paradise. The wind, trying to keep up with the worth of the rain and trying to disarm you, shows the intimacy and passion that exists between rain and wind. With every step that one takes forward, we are actually proclaiming the greatness of nature over mere humans like us. Taking the aid of a rain coat or a jacket is also equally pointless, though it may be an effort to challenge the supreme power, for we leave our face uncovered. We leave our face exposed to enjoy the rain in itself, to feel the rain when it descends over your face and brings that joy to your heart. The coat just acts as a second skin and you still feel the freshness in the rain drops, and that is in itself a way of bleak submission.

Watching the rain from a distance is another treat for your eyes. Not getting drenched what so ever, yet seeing the rain bring life to so many things around is something to be savoured and worshiped, not for anything splendid to be seen, but for the simplicity and limpidness of it. The smell of the first drop of rain on the dry earth, is something which makes a girl’s uterus skip a beat (could not resist the usage), and the site of the animals devouring the long awaited rain shows more passion than a two people in love in bed. The trees dancing to the tune of the rain brings a new lease of life to everyone watching it. It is as if the whole process is choreographed to perfection by a divine force that none notices. For a moment everyone feels that it is we who are dancing to the rhythm of the wind and not those trees. There exists an unaccountable envy in us for the trees.

i maybe talking about the whims and fancies of a small town guy, for the rain plays havoc in any metro thanks to the great work carried out by the governments, and the first words out of the mouth is F@$%d up rain man and that too with an accent. i am nobody to appeal to anyone, but maybe if possible try to enjoy the rain, try to be a part of it, with hands held out and trying to hold on to it as if there is no tomorrow. maybe you will start enjoying the simplicity of life also,....after all sanjay dutt made a change with his jadoo ke chabbi....

why one should know himself,........

why is it that the many people are very much fixated on the idea that knowing oneself is the best possible way to know others, and if you have not met anyone like that, then you are welcome to take my position and see such specimen???isn't knowing oneself only the best way of knowing just yourself, with no strings attached what so ever???i believe knowing thyself is the best way of becoming complete in your own ways. again, one should know that nobody is ever right or wrong, we should always treat every single being as separate individual different from each other and with various needs and hence with his own right and his own wrong. and if u find two persons whose rights and wrongs coincide, then one knows that one of them is lying over his head.

knowing yourself is only the first step of attaining perfection, not that anyone could ever attain perfection as human mind is the most complex of things and it's beyond any living creature to understand it completely. even the doctors who have studied the human mind and emotions are at times, most of the time, bewildered by the complexity of the human mind. so understanding human mind completely is out of question for the laymen like you and i. so why am i saying all this now, that to to an audience that i don even know exists. the explanation is simple, i have understood me to the best of my ability and i like to express what i go through, and also because none of my friends have the time or energy to listen to the crap(as many call it) coming out of my mouth.

coming back to the topic of understanding thyself, do we really understand what we are???if you think that you do understand yourself well enough, then is there any negative emotion or nefarious need involved in it???if your reply to your own question is in the negative, then my friend, you have not understood anything about you. am saying this not because am entitled to say this or because i have the authority to preach about it, but because of the simple logic that human mind does not also think positively. the first and foremost task of our mind is to protect ourselves from the malice around. that in itself is a selfish act, which in no dictionary or no book, can be described as a positive feeling. here comes the distinction between what you know about yourself and what you do about this understanding. turning green when a close friend of yours chooses somebody else over you is a natural feeling to have, anyone and everyone should have it. but it is what you do about it that matters the most. you can turn violent at the very thought and go bonkers all over the place and hurt yourself and others in the process. but that doesn't necessarily pull you out of the predicament does it. it only aggravates it as you know that you have become jealous of something or someone(as mentioned here) and the only thing you can do about it i hurt everyone. but had you taken the time to think about what happened and why the initial thing happened, you could maybe, perhaps find the root cause. and once you know what led everyone into the fix, the negative emotion in itself would vanish. thus understanding alone isn't enough to make yourself better, accepting what you understood is the single most crucial part.

there are many people who have tried to understand the meaning of their existence, but have failed. it is not because they did not try to the best of their ability or because they gave up the effort of understanding. it is because they were not ready to accept what they saw in them. how many of you can accept, without trepidation, that they could also be wrong???that itself is the single most biggest example that we do not accept what we see. if you have accepted it, we would be happier as there would be a reason for everything that happens to us. we would reach a state when we could always see a flip side to the bad things happening to us. and so can make ourself a little more happier being.

yes, the more we understand and accept ourselves, the more we understand others also. but that should not be the reason why we should understand ourselves. the reason why am saying that we can understand others better is simple. the nature of human being, as i told you earlier is to be selfish. for us to accept something in others, one should have it in him first. so if we cant understand and accept ourselves first, how can we even imagine to accept others for what they are???

understanding oneself is also a coin with two sides. because the more you understand yourself, the more you leave behind the accepted standard procedures and formalities of living. you will be pitched against the majority who aren't ready to see themselves. here is what will happen if you have accepted yourself. you will first find reasons for everything, because you no longer have to ponder into knowing what you are. the more you start thinking about the reasons, the more adept you will get in finding the right solutions(from where you stand of course), and the emotionally challenged side that you always had disappears. not saying your emotions will go,just saying that the challenge it always had disappears. hence you can control your mind and thought in a far better way. this state, from where others stand, will be interpreted as you being cold or dead inside for they have not experienced the freedom that you are experiencing. you may lose the people you love or care about, and you may even wonder how to get back to the superfluous life you once had. but you cant do anything about it as the life that you left is far beneath you and your understanding would never let you enter it again. thus we reach back to square one, where we had nothing to begin with and experienced everything possible and yet wanting to go back on everything even though you know how high you stand above others.

this continues on and on,....few people try to re-enter into what ever life they had, others just wander off to who knows where. but in spite of having nothing valuable to themselves, the ones who wander away are the most complete men and women....

are the right things always the good things????

here i am sitting so late into the night, which is so not me for various reasons. i maybe one of those rare guys who wants to sit late into the night, not just sit but live through the night, but have the compulsion to go to sleep at that fixed time no matter what. the more i think of the reason for the compulsion today for not sleeping, the more i enter the world of darkness. am not the normal person who sits and broods over the mundane failures, but am the person who thinks best when in the most adverse of conditions. now don't get the notion that i don't brood at all,....oh!i do, but only after taking the right decision and executing it no matter how painful it is to my soul and how destructive it is to the very existence of me.

doing the right thing is not completely about pleasing other human beings, but it's the only way of pleasing the very existence of thyself as a human being in this very cruel earth. the people you love and care about would also misinterpret this gesture of yours , but that does not mean that you are on the wrong path. as long as you know that you are treading the path you believe is true and would bring a smile upon the face of others, you are always on the right track. you would be wondering what is prompting me to write all this at this point of juncture when i got to be wondering why i haven slept yet, then maybe the answer is in the question itself. maybe it is the thought of the things i have done and want to forget in life and its dire consequences that is troubling me like never before.

i believe life is not about taking anything from anyone, but giving everything you have to others. the very meaning of your happiness may depend on the act of being selfless towards the people you love and adore in life. but many at times i find myself in a position when the ideologies and faith have been challenged by the very people who call themselves your friends and companions. i cant fight them as they wont heed to the simplicity of my nature and the beauty of my decisions, and so I'll most definitely lose the battle that i would never win even if i fought. so i bow out in front of them, which again is misinterpreted and end up being called a coward. thus i have come to the conclusion that trying to convince a person about what we believe in is as bad as not trying to convince a person what we believe in. if both the options open to a person is proved wrong, then what exactly is right and what exactly is wrong???

i doth want to spend the rest of my life as being called 'just a guy', because i, like everyone else, believe that i can do something in life, maybe make a profound impact on the life of others. the only way to make a difference in others' life is to show them the path of you believe in, but how often do you find people who want to see life through others' eyes???that brings me back to my biggest problem, that is if am not ready for a change, then how will others be ready for a change???? but of course there is a difference when it comes to the path that i've chosen, for i see the life through others' eyes.

at times i think the world is already too selfish a place to see what others are going through with their life. the world has left the point of no return and they just cant change even if they want to. that to make an impact on others as i want, i have to first become one of them, but am just too scared. for if the world is that bad a place, then i may forget myself and get too comfortable with the ways of this world. that the very existence of my faith and belief would be lost in these murky waters which i so loath. that would be a certain failure on my part, and i am not the person who wants to fail something that i want so bad and believe in. thus i have to fight a losing battle against the whole of the world, but atleast i would have the satisfaction of putting up a fight for what i believe is right, against what others believe is wrong.

at the end of all this what you find is not the girl you love, it is not the friends you trust, it's not the world you loath, but it's only you you find. the more you think of the things you have done in life because they were the right things, the more you will see yourself with clarity and lucidity....and at the end that's all that matters...so now that i have come that conclusion in the best possible way, to the best of my understanding,that what matters is what you are...i think i better sleep now,....after all, i do not have to please others,....the whole exercise of this writing is for me to arrive at a conclusion and i believe i have,.....