So am back to square one. It is official that I am now spiraling down a whirlpool. A week back I was better off, at least thought I was better off. With each passing day, the figures and targets that I am facing is becoming a nightmare of sorts. Each time I find a way out, some other obstacle comes in the way. It has been good three-four months since I was last happy with my numbers. That is about work life.
Now to more personal stuff. There are no damsels unlike my usual stories. I am happy about that, at least tell myself that. The work life balance that everyone raves about these days is something that I just can't contemplate. Think I have lost touch with myself.
The only thing that remains constant is Chandy and the numerous drinking sessions. We both face the same problems, be it the work life or personal life. We are in need for less options to choose from.
The other day I was browsing through my cell for people to call as I was into my blues. I came across the name of this person who is really close to me. But I did not call her. I speak to her every other day, did not feel like boring her again. So left it at that.
Went about browsing again, and guess what? The one person who I finally called, did not pick up my call. The call was never returned either. And to recall that I was once the most important person in her life brought about a smile on my face; at my own loss.
Then I saw another name. Now, I wanted to talk to that person. But the voice deep within told me that the call would never be answered. I feel like shouting out loud and asking, "Where did I go wrong in understanding them all?"
Take for example today, after another grueling day, from which I got nothing more than more setbacks, I thought I would try and see the silver lining. I looked up to see if there is some sort of recognition as to who I was. So what do I get??? A blank stare. Guess I should stop expecting even the smallest sliver of peace of mind.
Hence, it is ideal that I call myself in a catch 22 situation. No way of getting out of it easily. So as someone once said, rather than fighting the storm, try enjoying the rain.
Or better still, bring out the glasses and drink till you know that it would at least give you a good night's sleep.
6 comments:
Need for recognition is something we all look forward for..we slog, we build houses, we get married, we hoard money.. all for recognition. And we find that there is no meaning in doing all these things if there is no recognition... and not sure it will happen where u are!
Good.
If one cannot realize who they are doesn't mean they won't ever. Try.. try.. till you succeed. Never stop believing. Loosing hope and going with the flow is the worst thing one can do with oneself... The worst thing.
I can identify with you, since many of your concerns and confusions (no damsels in my life so leaving that area) are shared by me as well. An existential crisis is often triggered by a loss of continuity or a sense of loneliness.The mood swings,the intense soul-searching, the resentment and great turmoil, all follows suit. At one point you are on top of the world,and the very next moment you are lost, like a li'l pup.You are no longer the bundle of confidence you used to be, your friends have drifted far and in general life lacks purpose.
Some say its because there aint any dopamine in your head, but I'd like to believe that it is a phase that one has to go thru in ones life, that time is the ultimate healer and you'll emerge wiser after the whole trauma. Rahul, Let me ask you one question, for which I don't want an answer: what is the most fundamental belief that you subscribe to now, and what it was say, a couple of years back?
@Aravind : First things first. The only constant thing in life is change. Better put, I am enjoying the constantly changing environment. For one it does not make you lax. Anyways, the fundamental belief at this stage is the will to succeed no matr what. I am responsible for my actions and am ready to face the consequence. What I have written here is something that every tom dick and harry would have gone through in his/her life. I take to writing cuz it puts me at ease. No losing confidence and stuff, am only too confident these days :). But yeah you do have your ups and downs.
@Nimmees : In general i agree with you. Introspection and self analysis is what everyone lacks.
@Jeeves : well said bro. Recognition for your actions is what makes you tick. As I told aravind in a more generic manner, I am responsible for my actions and I know what to expect and when :)
"Catch-22" is common idiomatic usage meaning "a no-win situation" or "a double bind" of any type.
How exactly does the "Catch-22" situation apply here? Meaning how is this a double bind, just coz someone didn't pick up your call?
" We are in need for less options to choose from - hmmm. Catch 22 is a good title but is it apt for what u wrote. i mean c-22 existed only in the moments when u thought of making the phone call or perhaps it is apt since u were in a catch 22 situatiin baut the whole damn thing.
overall, a well written thing but woof woof life scores over it..a big cheers to you
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